Christmas Surprise... And The End Of A Good Year.

 Grandma surprised me during our facetime chat at Christmas. She asked when Z would do the honorable thing. I guess she wants me married not just living in sin. Of course she said it with far more grace and tact. 

Then she spoke plainly, "Young man YOU have seen, life is too damned short for someday or maybe."

 I told her of the dangers to my family if our relationship became public knowledge. My clinical argument was accurate and on point. She told me she sees the risk, then she said the only one at risk right now is her grand-baby. I changed the topic clumsily. I just got her back in my life, I don't want to fight with her. Especially when I know her argument is coming from the love in her heart.

 Zahir was working in the corner office and heard my reply. When our chat was over Zahir came into our room. He said he was not trying to listen in but our voices carried. He asked me if my heart was sore. I told him I have everything that I want, anything more is just a dream. "You took a math nerd and made him an engineer. I live in a world of limits. What can happen, and what can't happen. It is all about living in the can do side of the equation." I am not sure how convincing I was, but he held me and let it drop.

---

 I spent the rest of this week helping Baba get ready for his new class at the University. Although the concept of being in a classroom terrifies me. Still, it excites me at the same time. The concept of dealing with the pure math class is also thrilling. Baba thinks engineering may be too limiting for me. "At your age horizons need to be wide."

---

 So here I sit looking back on 2018...

 This  year has challenged me in ways I never imagined. I learned truths that were painful (but truth is often painful). I've grown through it all, I prospered, I learned and I loved greatly. So here I am at 3pm waiting for my love to come home, and I'm using this time to reflect back. 2018 was a good year.

  Zahir is taking me out for a late dinner tonight.  Then we will be going to a French client's home to ring in the New Year western style.

Luv y'all,
Chase

Christmas In Jordan

 Zahir had to go into the office today. He did surprise me by telling me I needed to get dressed for work. Monday is normally my day to sleep in.  I learned long ago when he says I am to do something one does not dawdle. By the time I emerged from the shower he already had clothing laid out for me.

 I was a little surprised he had me dress more formally than I normally do. Normally it's a suit and tie mini  Z, I guess you could say. He had me dressed in a going out suit, there's a difference. As we headed into town I told him he was going the wrong way. "I tell my boy he has work to do. I did not say where! My boy questions me?"

 When we pulled in front of the apartment building in Abdali, I realized where we were. Especially since I just been there the other day for church. My pastor and Z exchanged blessings and greetings. Zahir told me I was to work hard and obey the pastor. This is my first Christmas with my new church family. One of the things we do is bring food packages to those in need. We decided it would have more meaning on Christmas Eve. Then we had church in the afternoon. The only thing I could do to help out with was to sort boxes. Baba has loaned me one of his canes to get around with. I still can't bear full weight on the right leg. The pastor reminded me, "We each help where we can."

 Our church is a multinational congregation. We have believers from Denmark, Germany, United States, a couple Japanese girls, and yes we do have Jordanians and Syrians too. I knew Silent Night was written in German originally. This was the first time I got to sing it in German. I also didn't know that it was composed originally for a guitar. The pastor and his wife took me home after church. Our church sees Zahir as my husband. Knowing full well that cannot legally happen here yet. I hope for the future.

 Back at home I was greeted to another round of showering and changing. Z says for me to do something, I do it. Zahir's eldest brother took the two of us out for dinner with his family. Our relationship has really changed. The eldest brother and I never really got along all that well until we went out house hunting. When he pulled that scorpion from my back it kind of change the nature of our relationship. I knew I was just another little one that he was protecting.

 A friend of mine asked if I was getting piggy back rides while I'm laid up. Actually I don't weigh that much, most of the time Z just sweeps me up off my feet and carries me around the house if I am sick or injured. Occasionally it is sweet like carrying a baby, sometimes it is over his shoulder like a caveman. That way can be fun too.

 Tomorrow is a national holiday in Jordan, and Mama has plans to help me celebrate, "The birth of your prophet."

Night all and Merry Christmas!

Oops Baby Did It Again.

 Zahir was greeted by the family and I at the airport. The family parted and he saw me standing on my crutches with my leg in a brace...

  Oh I guess I failed to mention my accident. (He reads my blog... couldn't share or he would get worried.)

 The day after Zahir departed, his oldest brother and I started wrestling. We were just screwing around, there was no chance of me ever being victorious. Unfortunately my feet slipped on the tile and I hit the ground hard. Then he slipped and fell on me. For the record Baba did not make any light frail children.

 During the fall and double impact, I wrenched my knee, severely sprained my ankle and when that happened, I did let out a very loud shriek. If you followed my blog long enough you know when I over-exert my voice, I lose it.  I'm not sure who chastised him worse that day his father, his mother, or his wife.  It was a very good thing I was in the big house while he was away. It could have been argued very successfully that the camera was disconnected as result of moving the old furniture into my room in their house. When we could only chat using my tablet, he was suspicious.

 The the upside about being crutch bound, I got to get a head on a lot of my school work. Not many distractions when all you can do is hobble around inside the same house.  Let's face it Baba's place isn't a small house. If they heard me moving around everyone would "check the baby." So I stayed in my nest as often as I possible so I wouldn't become a nuisance.

 I'm also starting to understand the financial side of our family a little better. I don't know which one of us is out of touch with reality, Zahir has spent the better part of three years telling me he came from an upper-middle-class family. Kind of funny listening to my tutors explaining what the middle class is in Jordan, we're not it. Baba's family is not even close!

 I've always been comfortable with store brands and off brands. Before Zahir, I didn't know/own a name brand, unless it came to me secondhand. A lot of people here are just absolutely crazy about anything with a brand name on it. You see all of the fashion houses in Europe doing brisk sales in Abdali.  If it was greener and you could block your ears, you might even believe you were in Miami.

 Zahir was not happy that we hid news of my injury from him. I told him I begged the family not to tell him. That his business in Iran was important to his and our firms future.  The boss is happy with the result of the trip, and his given Z a few days off to recover and tend to his boy. I got a get-well-soon gift basket of fruit from the engineering department.

 So happy he is home.

Chase

I am not exempt from the season of rush and hurry.

 Terribly sorry for my long absence. Things have been unusual here. I know that probably sounds weird considering. I had my deposition, it was rough but not as bad as I expected. I was asked if forgiveness was a tenant of my faith. I replied yes, but so too is Earthly justice. Forgiveness does not erase the civil penalty earned as a result of violating the law. People forget when they ask "What would Jesus do?" The possibility of overturning tables and chasing offenders whipping them with cords is an option! Even the real Saint Nicholas had a violent side in his zeal.
 
 I don't know how to explain this, Christmas isn't my favorite holiday. I guess I have had one too many bad ones. Mama, looked at me funny when I shared that as she was helping decorate the main lounge. She said, "We help our boy celebrate the birth of his prophet." In traditional Jordanian fashion they are trying very hard to make me feel comfortable and welcome. I have never felt less than welcome and loved here. 
 
 Christmas in Jordan... It's kind of like going through the looking glass. I've said the people of Jordan are very open and welcoming. That's especially true as we enter the Christmas season. It is unusual for an Arab Nation to decorate and celebrate a Christian holiday but here, Christmas is a national holiday. Up in Abdali and on the Boulevard the Christmas lights are out. Children are sitting on Santa's lap in the mall. You could forget where you are, except for the fact that Santa is speaking Arabic.
 
 The temperature is getting colder 9°C/49°F. For this Florida transplant THAT is cold. Zahir is teasing me about wearing my winter pajamas. I think he misses the access of my usual sleep shirts. He is headed out on his trip Monday. I will be moving into the big house for a week. My old bedroom furniture was put in that room to make me more comfortable when I stay there. 
 
 My puppy is in the "dog house" with our housekeeper.  Kaeleb ate (or mauled to the point of destruction) the robotic floor scrubber (Scooba). Ironically THAT is not covered under the warranty.

Chase

Truths...

I have learned another truism... No matter how far you travel and no matter where you go, there will always be assholes somewhere.

 I now understand why Zahir's older brother insisted on training the dogs not to touch anything without command. It looks like someone tried to poison the babies. The dogs were trained never to eat anything unless given the command. They led one of the security guys to something that was tossed over the fence, a bit of meat with a deadly treat inside. I am so angry.

 The fur babies are getting used to me being around again. All three of the psycho puppies like it when the little boy feeds them. They try to alpha me. It's kind of weird trying to force the dogs to realize they have a subservient position. On the other hand... Yay! I figured out I'm a step above the dogs.

 It also seems I was right about our media room. Z's older brothers have come by several times to watch football matches and other sporting events in the theater. I think we are seeing them more than their wives. I get head rubs for my design.

 Zahir will be going back to Iran in a few weeks. Only a week this time. I have asked if I can stay in our house while he is away... "No, let Mama spoil you." I see nineteen is just a number. So I will be spending a week in the big house with the adoptive parents, swimming around the pools, cooking and shopping. I know I won't be going to the office.

 Ah swimming...  This place is da bomb! The big house has an indoor AND outdoor pool. I got a nasty sunburn when I was seventeen while swimming at thier old place, Zahir lost his mind (or so it seemed to me at the time). He got me what I called the Fantastic Four suits. They are basically a rash suit with extra UV protection. I look like an idiot, but that is the price to use the outdoor pool. I have to admit now that it is getting cold it isn't so bad.

 My language tutor is impressed with how much I have retained. He's also impressed with how fast I'm learning. He did make a suggestion. He recommended that I get some real world experience by working with the refugees from Syria. Both Baba and Zahir immediately shot that down. Z says I can help mama with the shopping.

Still the baby.

Chase

I Am Not Sure I Am American Anymore...

 I'm home, my estimate was off it was 3 hours and 15 minutes flight time. We got a straight in approach and then right into the hanger.
 
 Yes, you read my headline right. With all the divisive crap that's going on back home in the States, I'm not sure I'm American anymore. I don't know maybe it's the fact that I only have 355 days till I'm no longer a teenager, but I'm not seeing things the same.

 As a child (when I could be one) I saw life in black and white. They say travel broadens your mind, I guess that's true because I am looking at things differently. The world is no longer a scary place to me. Yes, there are scary people in it, and some wonderful people too. I'm going to focus on the wonderful people in my life, until I know what I want for me. 

 Cleared customs and the driver took us straight back to the compound. I so love my nest. Zahir doesn't call it that, but I kind of like the way that my friend EM looks at his home as a nest. Zahir calls it our palace. He is the king, and I am his princess. I am content in our little kingdom, within the larger Kingdom. 

 I don't know what my future holds but I can't wait to see it unfold. It is two in the morning and I am still wired. Our house turned out beautiful. Zahir had a couple birthday surprises added. He made a couple changes to my design of the house. First he added a cozy loveseat in the main lounge, so I have a place I can cuddle with a book or study.

 Second, he got with Stacy and redesigned the boy cave. "You made it look too much like me. This is YOUR space when you need to be alone." The furniture in the suite is softer and warmer toned. Lots of cedar and soft fabrics. The sleeping area has a nice queen sized canopy bed. The cedar smells fantastic. 

  I should try and sleep, morning all.

The Road Of Life Has Ups And Downs...

 We stayed longer in Atlanta than we were expecting. It turns out I am a good candidate for the procedure. There are some risks. Not sure it is worth possibly losing my voice entirely. The benefit is I might get up to 80% of my vocal range back.

rare selfie

 Zahir is willing to support my decision. He wishes it was not so unproven. He thinks we should wait for a year or so, and wants me to talk it over with Baba as well. I know this is actually a soft no. He is right, I have lost enough to risk what  remains on a desperate gamble.

 This trip has been something of a roller coaster. My candidate lost his Senate seat. I crossed the ocean to vote! It looks like the majority of voters in my home district did not even drive to the poles! Seriously it's looking like he lost by less than a quarter of a percent. I'm a bit ashamed of Miami-Dade.

 We are headed to Hartsfield International now. Muflih (the boss's pilot) is flying in tonight and we are off to Canada in the morning. He gets 24 hours crew rest before they fly the boss's new jet home. I once called him "muffin" in error, he was NOT amused until he realized how hard I was trying. He flew Zahir's team and I into Iran last year, and home from Ukraine this past summer.

 I cannot wait to get back to Amman. I start classes up again in a few weeks. Zahir picked up some intimate things for me. I hope that customs doesn't look too hard at my silky stuff.

Chase

Saying Good-bye

 The Grandparents are on their way back to Paducah. They took "the red-eye." Got hugs and kisses. I apologized for yesterdays meltdown. Granddad told me it was understandable, given the circumstances. We made plans for a video chat next week. It is nice to have people of my own. 

 Zahir and I had breakfast with his parents. Baba and Z went off to ship our treasures back to Jordan ($300). There was a flaw in their plan, they left Mama and I near a gift-shop unsupervised. I think the two of us got her purchases packed well between the four cases. That woman is a retail force of nature. I have shopped with her a lot. It is rare when she gets something for herself. "This grandchild would love this. That would look cute on..." I saw her admiring a scarf. I could see her desire, then she just put it back.

At the airport Baba told me to be good for the doctor. I looked at Zahir, and Baba saw my confused look. There was a heated exchange in a tribal language (I think) as Mama hugged me. It looks like my next stop is Atlanta. Zahir said there is a doctor there who is researching RLN injuries. There MAY be a treatment, that MIGHT help me get more of my voice back.

 Baba pulled me aside telling me not to be angry with Zahir. "He didn't want your hopes raised too much. He tries to protect your heart from disappointment." Baba added his son didn't think far enough ahead. "I reminded him how justly angry you were when he surprised you with your scar revision consult."

 I gave Mama a bag as she turned to board their flight. When she saw the scarf she had admired in the store her arms flew around me, "My good son."

 Zahir and I made up on the way to our flight. Next stop two (maybe more) days in Atlanta.

Got Lots of Hugs Today

 Part of the reason Zahir had our families assemble at Disney was to erase a bit of ugly history. Instead it repeated. As some you have read, my Mom dumped me after a weekend trip to the Magic Kingdom when I was five. Today a woman handed her newborn baby over to a stranger in front of our resort. I have been breaking into tears non-stop at random all day. This is NOT how I wanted our last day to go.

 Zahir has been watching me like a hawk and in protective daddy mode. Grandma reminded me I don't know the whole story, Mom abandoning me saved my life. Still not what I wanted in my head. The Disney cast has been great about getting me whisked away out of sight when Z saw a breakdown coming. Baba and Mama have been clingy as well.

I told Zahir this was why I wanted to adopt or foster. There are so many children out there just dumped by their parents. Someone HAS to be willing to pick their broken hearts up and show them there IS love out there. I got lucky and survived the system, a lot don't.

 We leave the Magic Kingdom in the morning. I don't think I have the heart to come back. Have to get back to the table.

My Marvelous Nineteenth!

 For some 19 is just another number. For me it means a little more I guess. I wasn't supposed to make it. If you followed my blog any length of time I pretty much have had the deck stacked against me. All that changed when I met him.

 Some people like officer Mike and Natalie would say I was destined to survive. I wasn't so sure. Suppose I should say something profound for the end of 18 years, I have nothing. Zahir has been pampering me this entire trip, not letting me even unpack my own luggage. When we travel I normally put everything away. I guess he's trying to baby me to celebrate the end of 18 years.

 I experience something new today. For the first time in my life someone was flirting with me, and I actually caught it. Z went into full defensive mode. Little weasel back down when he saw the mountain of muscle who is with me. But it was kind of nice. Of course being here in South Beach my guy has been getting hit on right and left. He was oblivious to most of it. One guy went on full press, and Z just shot a panicked look at me. I came over and cuddled his waist. First time ever he was publicly affectionate with me. Twinkie boy disappeared back into the pack.

 For his Birthday we went DC as Batman and Nightwing. Zahir has been brutal not letting me in on any part of tonight's plans. I know officer Mike and Natalie are gonna be there.

 He presented me my costume "Spider-man." He is going as... let's just say someone is wearing XXXL body armor that is candy apple red and gold. Initially I thought he'd go for a costume of latex green paint, but I guess that would take hours.

 I was thinking of a small costume party back at the foster parent's farm in their barn. Turns out he booked the ballroom downstairs. My giant does nothing small. Well except me. ;)

He told me everyone is supposed to keep their costumes and masks in place until dinner. I have to go around trying to guess who everyone is. He has given me 30 minutes.

More to come. Tah!

I Confessed!!!

 I told Zahir I overheard his conversation with the housekeeper. I begged his forgiveness. He faked an angry look for a tenth of a second, then hugged me. He told me it was his fault for having the discussion in earshot of me. He would not tell me our full itinerary but I am coming home to vote early in Miami. He knew it was important to me to keep Senator Nelson in D.C. My absentee ballot didn't arrive in time. We will be leaving in a few hours.

 Baba and Mama had a family birthday party for me when we got home from work. I knew something was up, Z kept me at work all day. Baba will be watching over the renovation of our nest... God help those tradesmen.

 Zahir told me my Miami "TRIBE" had something planned. My foster parents Moe and Stacy say they have a "wicked awesome" birthday party planned for me. Zahir is TRYING to get me to settle down an take a nap, can you say not a chance!

My Heart Is Breaking!

 My heart has broken as the death toll rises. Worse yet most were children. Jordan and it's people ARE my heart. 

  

 Ours is a desert country, when the rains come so do the flash floods.

While it is  while it is true every day ends in the letter Y, I find days like Thursday end with the word WHY?!? It it's in my nature to TRY to find something positive in every situation. All I  can come up with is that rescuers/searchers are coming from all over, Jordan, Syria, Palestine and even Israel.  Muslims, Christians, Jews and agnostics trying together to try to find the lost.That is the best I can come up with.

Redesign Of The Nest...

As stressful as it has been, the designs are coming along.

The happiest person in the whole thing, has been the house keeper. Zahir is giving her one of the small suites. She will have a private entrance. Normally a housekeeper and security guard are lucky enough to get a  small room here. Zahir treats her as a member of our family.

 I have decided on a furniture designer, Estro Milano for the sofas and wall units. Our company has used them before for a couple of projects. I remembered Zahir admiring the lines of the furniture. We decided to combine the two small bedrooms into one giant media room.  I'm not sure whether I should share or not but he likes online games. I don't know who he's talking to on the other side of the headset but they get into it.  Estro has this line called the "Moma" that I love. We're bringing in craftsmen to do stadium levels.  I can see football games with all his brothers and buddies hanging out.

The boy cave is getting a facelift as well. The housekeeper knows we share a bedroom. I think it is silly, but Z still thinks it's important that I have a place of my own. All three bedrooms will have these really cool floating platform beds. They are made of walnut and leather. The central base is so far in that it looks like the things are floating in the air. The night stands have built-in charge plates for our phones and tablets.

The boy cave will have softer furniture. A little more plush, a little more conventional but still has a contemporary flair.  Mama laughed at what I picked out for Zahir saying she should have kept her furniture from the 60s. The bones are what is considered mid-century modern, but it has things like backrests that fold up full height.

Some of the designs are already triggering plans for how I can defile them, and relieve Zahir's stress at the end of the day. 💕

We will be moving into the big house while painting and construction is underway.   Mama being Mama, both of us will have our own room. No playtime... not under their roof.

I Am Still Alive!!!

 Sorry that I have been silent for so long. Nothing bad has happened to me. I'm just busy. I have been having one of those manic writing moments. I've got four stories going, and if you've read my stuff you understand I don't do short chapters. I have to birth the whole story at once.

 Zahir has me doing something new. He has me completely redesigning the nest. He wants the rest of the house to look like the lounge does now. Apparently I did "too" good a job designing the replacement couch and chair. They are comfy.

 We will be saying goodbye to the soft and comfy overstuffed furniture that came with the house. He wants strong masculine lines in every room. I'm a math geek, this is art stuff.  I'm lucky if I can get shirts and pants to match two days out of three. Mama is helping me with colors.

 It won't be ready for my birthday at the end of the month. Zahir keeps teasing that there is something big planned. I hate it when he keeps secrets, he is far better at it than me. I know it's going to be something I'll enjoy, but it's hard to prepare for what you don't see coming. At least I know it won't be a surprise party because I don't know anyone here, and it's not like Halloween parties are big here.

 Still my guy does NOTHING small... well except me. ;)

 Still only doing three half days at work a week. Boss had Zahir, have me, evaluate the benefits and cost analysis of shockcrete homes. Dome homes that are virtually impervious to earthquake and fire damage. It's been pitched a few times unfortunately the design is too avant-garde to take off in this part of the world. 

 People here like to do concrete brick straight up and down construction. The concept people go by is that you build the first floor home. Then you build the bachelor son's apartment above, as they grow old enough. You can't build a son's apartment over a dome, and property costs are prohibitive for the average family to own a sprawling compound. Add to that the problems with curved walls, people enjoy hanging things.

 Well, I suppose I should wrap this up. It's too early and I have to go to work today.

Good News!

   His lawyers, the prosecutor and the judge all met. The judge ruled while the defense has the right to interview/deposition me. They do not have the right to apply an unnecessary burden of travel cost.

  Translation I get to do a video deposition probably from the embassy.  That was the best homecoming gift ever!

  Yes, our time out in Wadi Rum is over. We are back in Amman back in the family compound. The boys are airing and cleaning up the tent before they pack it away for another year.

  It was a beautiful wedding. The groom loved his new truck.  The wedding made me a little sad. A reminder that Zahir and I will never be able to recite the three fold qabul to one another. At least not here. The threefold question of loyalty and devotion is reserved only for heterosexual Islamic couples.  Zahir kind of made a joke of it, "Would my little princess pledge her love and devotion to me?"   Then he realized I was serious. I got an apology in the form of wicked snuggles.

Always the bridesmaid never the bride...

Was Contacted By A Hero Of Mine.

  Zahir got a little jealous. I received an email from another man. Not only that, one of my heroes. 

   He is a 911 dispatcher who worked with/for my first foster mom on the disaster response teams. He gave me the same warning that she did. That I need to withhold a little more information about my background.

  Like I said he's a dispatcher, the one who got me introduced to MaleSurvivor.Org. He is a fellow survivor, and has helped with my nightmares. He was the one who gave me the bad news that in all likelihood the dreams will not go away, but they will fade and become manageable.

  I told Zahir that he has nothing to fear.

1.   "J" is old as Baba (sorry "J").
2.   He is very married!!!
3.   He is not my type,

  He had a photo of Natalie and I at the State Fair in Tampa. Nat was in town for a seminar and "J" invited us to the Fair. He introduced me to "fried butter" YUM! Then fried Snickers, fried pickles, corn dogs... Lets just say if it could be shoved on a skewer, battered and fried they had it at the fair.

  It was my first week in care and those dispatchers loved on (and spoiled) me.

I Messed Up

  While the brothers were out yesterday one of Zahir's cousins came by the base-camp. Baba informed me he was a member of the National Police. I told him I was once part of our Police Department's Explorer Program back in Florida. When he said he was going out for some target practice. I asked if I could tag along. When he asked if I shoot, I said I was very weapons proficient. Baba's brother went with us, so I saw no problem. Apparently there was, Zahir was not happy when he returned and I was not there.

  I missed the first two cans but hit the rest. I was bracing for a recoil that never came. Once I got used to his Beretta 9 mm I didn't miss a single target. I was trained on and prefer a Glock 45. The two men returned to Camp with me, without incident, praising my eye and hand.

  On the one hand I did finally get the alone time I sought with Zahir. Unfortunately it was not the kind I wanted. He yelled at me for being disloyal. I told him I have eyes for no other.  He told me he understands me however  others have eyes for me. Then he went on to say it was not my place to prepare to defend the family. "You are only a gentle boy."

  I am not to leave Baba's side for the remainder of the trip. He has gotten so used to me being his quiet mouse, he forgets that I was once something more. This week is going to drag, but I will obey. 

Surprise! We have cell phone coverage...

  Holy cow, we have cell phone coverage this year! I guess tourism can be a good thing. 21st century tourists don't like to unplug. Our base camp is close enough to hit a tower. If I'm allowed to accompany the men into Wadi Rum, I will lose cell service, but it would be worth it.

  We arrived on site last night just in time for the women to start setting up their side of the tent. It's kind of weird for me, I'm used to hanging out with Mama and helping her with the food prep. For the next two weeks I won't be doing that. I'm hanging with the men. When they're out working the dogs and the birds, I'm staying with Baba and his brother.

  Zahir's cousin came running up to me to show me our experiment was still working. Last year he and I were talking about permaculture. I told him how I built an earthen berm which produced food 12 months out of the year without using fertilizer. Of course there was a huge difference, when I did that I was in Florida. Florida is a swamp, a very very wet swamp. Here water is precious and must be trucked in.

  By the end of the first week last year we decided to attempt a test berm. He has been irrigating it using the gray water leftover from cooking and general washing. The only place that died off were the ends of the berms. By the end of the day today we came up with the idea of planting indigenous scrub to cap the berm and seal in the moisture. In addition to sealing in the moisture its roots should increase the biomass. Any dead material could then be used to build additional berms.

  It was kind of neat seeing something go from theory to fact. Gardening in the desert who knew? Khalid told me that the hardest thing was keeping the goats away from the vegetables.

  The day is just beginning and the men are starting to stir. It is so weird sleeping so far apart from Zahir. Normally I cuddle under his arm. I don't think anyone is confused about our relationship. It's the difference between that is assumed, and that which is known. I hope we can have some private time today.

 

  I got a good question in my email today. How do you charge your electronic devices? The family does a primitive camp. Only that which you carry in is used. 

  Zahir and I have several solar powered battery backups for our little devices. To recharge the larger stuff we use a couple of fold-able arrays. It's one of my chores to keep everything charged.

Wildtech 21 watt fold-able array

  Today the rest of base camp will be set up so the men can go out and hunt. With luck we will have fresh rabbit (sorry hare.)

  The men are up for first prayer so I'm going to sign off at this point. I will update as I can.

***
  Post breakfast update: Khalid and I both share a passion for the works of Geoff Lawton. Googling his name is worth the read. He is the biologist who brought a viable self-sustaining permaculture garden to the salt flat southwest of Amman

Chase

AFK Hunting...

  I will likely be AFK - Away From Keyboard for two weeks. I am safe.

I am going "hunting" with Zahir's family. Internet is spotty there. Two weeks semi unplugged, I am looking forward to it.

   I have downloaded a couple stories from the cloud to my tablet to work on. I am interested to see if a project I left behind last year is working. 

  FYI: My psycho dog "IS" coming with me for protection when the men are away. He and his saluki "cousins" get along, but because they are clean and he is not he cannot participate in the hunt. 

  Dogs are generally seen as unclean, salukis are the exception. Bedouin men hold them in such high esteem they honor the animal calling them al hurr, "the noble one".

  There is a legend that the Prophet himself owned a saluki that he used for hunting. The animal is mention in the holy Quran, in which the training of hounds for hunting is encouraged, as long as it is done so in a manner directed by Allah.

 Back in a couple weeks... Unless Z takes me on a "supply" run.

Part Two Of Frozen Is Up

  My heart wasn't in it but I had to finish it. I started Frozen and Chosen when I still had hope of a fairy-tale reunion with my Mom. By the time I was 90% into the re-write of "Part II" I discovered the truth.  With my inspiration gone I almost abandon the work entirely. I still feel I rushed it, but people were asking for a follow up. I couldn't leave it almost done.

Protect The Baby...

  Wednesday started so well. I started the day waking up from a wonderful dream in the arms of a wonderful man. By the time Wednesday ended myself and the family were in full "protect the baby" crisis mode. All five of the brothers, the family's attorney and several members of the government gathered.

  I seriously do start the day trying to look forward. If you're constantly looking backwards over your shoulder, you miss out on the opportunities that present themselves. You're also not looking at where you're going, you're gonna find yourself stumbling and falling.

  The day started off waking from a magnificent dream. It was another merman dream... I was a merman and was caught in a fisherman's net. The net had tiny barbs that dug into my flesh. As he began hauling me to shore I began screaming in distress trying to flee but the more I fought the more entangled I became. Soon with the combination of fatigue and blood loss I passed out.  

I awoke in the dream the fisherman was carrying me to market when I heard a man condemn him for what he had done. A fight ensued and my defender hit the fisherman so hard he died. He carried me to his home on the sea putting me into his sheltered lagoon to heal...

  The dream was so real I could taste the sea water... I woke during a passionate interlude to the very strong, sweaty, passionate Zahir. It turned out he thought I was awake the whole time. He spent the next hour apologizing. He thought my RLN issue was acting up. I get a little more "amorous" when I loose my voice. I think it is a control thing.

  Zahir intently listened to my merman dreams smiling the whole time (there may have been a little drool on his part). He used some psychobabble of me being a fish removed from its sea. I told him sometimes a dream is just a dream.

  I received the documents from dad's family. They sent a "settlement" check to sweeten the deal...  Chase's life rule #45: Politics and people in politics suck.

  I composed a cover letter and explained why I wouldn't accept their money. With a stroke of a pen that chapter of my life was over. Baba told me they were not worthy to call me theirs. It wasn't like they were in my life in the first place.

  After dinner we received a visitor. My rapist has filed to appeal his sentences. His legal team is insisting I be present for deposition claiming his actions were not premeditated.

  Stacy once warned me I should sue him for damages in addition to the criminal charges. At the time, I thought that was being petty. Hindsight being what it is, I see if I had cleaned him out, he wouldn't have been able to hire his team of sharks.

  The visiting attorney made a veiled innuendo, that my current "living arrangement" could be made public during deposition. THAT is when Baba stepped in to protect HIS adopted son "Nadir" (my Bedouin name). At the same time Mama started calling her sons. The eldest son arrived in less than five minutes. Zahir and our boss arrived next. Z's other brothers were on scene within fifteen minutes of their Mama's call.


  I was amazed at the calm shown by Baba and his sons. I knew they were angry, but their faces did not betray what they were holding in. I was kept by Baba or his oldest son at all times.

  Our family's attorney explained to his opposite the local laws governing liable. Especially when looked at through the eyes of Bedouin tribal law. Such a release without physical proof would be a blood liable. 

  Baba swore to the attorney I would be present for ALL legal actions to keep this evil man far from the children he preys on. I see a tremendous amount of expensive airfare in my future.

  I do feel sorry that he was injured/attacked in prison, but I am not the reason he is there. His choices/actions put him in the people zoo. Attacking me again was a huge tactical error.

  I am no longer sad. What I am now is angry, very angry. I will NOT live in fear of this asshole any more! Now we see what can be done about it.