Fantasies... (AKA: About My Stories)

My stories on Nifty:

 I am a midnight writer, and this is my confession:

   I am a math geek and sadly a life long victim. [Note: Zahir says I am not a victim, but a survivor.] I am struggling for meaning. After one of those dark passages of my life, I had something good come out of my time with the Department of Children and Families (DCF)... THERAPY!

   I was sixteen, when I started therapy and writing I was having nightmares. They were the waking up with shredded pillows kind. I was trapped by my situation. A fourteen year old kid who survived; repeated abandonment, physical, emotional, and the crap sandwich was topped when I was brutally raped by a foster dad. My original story posts were taken down off one site when a fan told the admins how young I was.
 
  I described my life to a therapist as an attempt to understand the whys of my life. She asked me this question, "If your life was a book, what would be it's title?"
 
  I replied without any thought, "Painful Shit Happened Often." I was fourteen and self aware.
 
  She encouraged me to write a diary. "Think of it as a way of putting the bad stuff down and leaving it there. She gave me permission to re-write those life traumas to find "points of empowerment" as a way to end the bad dreams. It was 2013 and thanks to a product Google launched the year prior, I had something I never had in foster-care... privacy. I could hide and lock my thoughts and fantasies in a magical place called Google Drive.
 
  At eighteen, after my third time shredding my partner Zahir's arm in my sleep, he put me back in therapy. I started writing in my diary again. I screwed up, I forgot to log off and Z innocently found my diary still open on my MacBook. He was very confused by the other stories in my directory, at first. Yes, he was naughty and did poke around.
 
  He initially thought they were things I wanted to try. Boy howdy did we have a long talk...
 

A List of My Ramblings:
 
(Updated in 2022)
  • One of the first stories I wrote. To Zahir, sorry my love I had a thing for Greek and Cuban guys back then. I was young and stupid.
  • It started out a straight up rape fantasy. It was the product of a fourteen year old mind trying to understand what the fuck just happened. I chose to set the story in a highly fictionalized Great Britain.
  • There is a Zahir cameo I added to the Nifty re-write of the story in the form of Lieutenant Qusai Haddad. For the life of me I still don't see HOW Zahir fit into an F-16 cockpit. Z took me to an airshow once. Z was explaining what the jet could do. Most of it went over my head but got the attention of the USAF pilot demonstrating the aircraft. The two had an immediate fighter pilot bromance. The American pilot was SO tiny compared to Zahir.
  • The betrayal by Caerwyn was actually inspired by a real occurrence and person I trusted. A foster brother who was a victim himself. He used me and delivered me to the monster in our home. Charges against him were dropped and he disappeared back into the foster care swamp.
  • Why make Kyle mute? It was also inspired by real events. The person who took me, choked me so hard he fractured my larynx. For a couple months I was communicating in long hand. I got frustrated a lot and cried often. For the third time in my life, I was blessed with VERY patient police officers. I told them I wish I fought more. The investigator told me I did good just to survive. He didn't understand, I truly wanted to die in that moment.
 
Frozen and Chosen
(Updated in 2022)
  • Frozen was actually the second story I wrote and the third finished. It is a two part tale.  I was very screwed up after being taken. I questioned everything, even my gender. I very much identified with Tristan/Trista.
  • The Jason character was based on my second best foster father. He was one of my heroes. An Air Force officer who shared his family with me for a time, then he got orders.
  • The character Zeke is based on a man who will never hurt another child again. Being gay is NOT consent asshole.
  • Part two was my foster kid happy ending... When I came to know the truth about my parents I am had trouble finishing the rewrite. 

(Updated in 2022)
  • I had just turned sixteen when I wrote this one. I was having wild fantasies about a guy who helped me put my life back together. Yes, it was loosely framed around Zahir. 
  • The reality is far, far, far, better.
    The Haunted Boy - (Denny and The Ghost)

  • Death touched my life again. I used the imagery in THB  to play with the spirit world.  
  • I was remembering the moment when my foster father was choking me. Just before the end I swear I could see my mother standing behind him willing me to fight. I have had doctors, shrinks, and preachers tell me it was the loss of oxygen. I don't know.
  •  [Funny thing about this one, it was supposed to be a prequil for The Haunted Boy. I originally started off writing a story about Jock. I ended up falling in love with the character Shon. I couldn't inflict Jock upon him. It is currently in rewrite at the time of this edit (10-03-2022). I am adding the monsters back into the story. I realize I defanged Bishop Miller and his wife in the original release. I regret only giving Jock a cameo.]
  • It is the story of an Amish teen struggling to understand his plight, life, and self.
  • Shon was shunned for who he was attracted to.
  • Shon's friends know he has been damaged but he and they are learning.
  • Zahir asked, "Where did THAT come from?" Short answer; I don't know. I have never been Amish. I have no desire to cross dress (though I do enjoy sexy undies). However, I was blamed by my church in Miami for tempting my foster dad beyond his ability to resist. I did have a lot of gender confusion after being raped. I was fourteen go figure.
  •  Teen love, love lost, and werewolves...  I was surprised how fast Nifty posted it. It posted so fast I got my first piece of fan mail, before I got the acknowledgement of its posting. It was my first foray into horror. I like the characters. I was working on four chapters at the same time that was kind of weird.
  •  I was working on some dark issues here and Night Of The Wolf is how they were revealed. It is also why Zahir asked me to diminish my online presence. He was worried. When Shrinky Dink read the opening scene he was concerned initially. I am not a violent person but it is a brutal scene. Like I said, I am working through some issues.
  •  My regular fans DID NOT like it. That said I did get new fans from it.  Z was concerned I was casting him as the villain. Not an issue,  I know who I patterned the villain after.
  •  My prof in comparative religions got me interested on a side tangent. She said most culture's creator stories are similar, just like their werewolf tales. I was curious and started a side research project.
  •  To the great Russell T  Davies, THANK YOU for inspiring me with your  "Tooth and Claw." Your example in a way granted me license to recreated the werewolf / Lycan worlds. Please forgive my giving you a "tongue in cheek" cameo reference in chapter one.
    • Arian couldn't resist the easy joke, "Clearly we are on Team Jacob! Sparkling vampires... AS IF! Seriously though forget all that shit. It is just a lot of misinformation. There is a shitload of it out there, and the less said about the Lon Chaney version the better.

      The story about conversion that's closest to the truth is from 'Doctor Who' the 'Tooth and Claw' episode. That was no big surprise; Russell Davies is one of us... a convert of course."
    

    

    

    

    

    














    


    

    

    



    

    



    

    

    

    


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