Things Here Are Getting Weird

 Sorry sorry for no updates in a while. Things have gotten a little crazy here. I am starting to think it's not a safe time to be a foreigner living in Jordan. For years now I thought this was my home...

 I was running an errand for Mama. I screwed up and left Kaleeb at the house.  It was just a trip to the store on the corner. I didn't think I needed him. A national police officer approached. He demanded my ID and then took me to the station. He didn't understand sign. He took my tablet away from me, I couldn't communicate that way. Playing charades across cultural barriers is not easy. I was a thoroughly search. In the end he called Baba.

 When Baba came, they said I looked like someone they were looking for in regards to a drug trafficking case. Baba was incensed, with how they treated his son's child. Yes, Z had to adopt me to solve some legal issues. I have never seen Baba so mad.  I was pleading with my fingers to just let it go and take me home. In the end he calmed down, I got dressed and we were allowed to leave. For the first time since I got here I missed Florida.

 When Z got home the rage began again. Mama tried to keep everyone calm. In the end she realized the only one she had a chance of calming was me. She and Z' sister took me aside and told me what the government had been reporting. The Justice Ministry is blaming foreigners for an uptick in crime. The irony is drug crimes committed by non-Jordanians has actually gone down this year.

I am no longer allowed to leave the compound alone.

---

 It seams Z and I may be relocating. I found out when Mama said how Zahir's sister and her husband the nurse could move into the little house. It would be good especially now that she is making babies. Well done Yawm newly married and the first kid on the way.

The boss is talking about opening a permanent office for building design, either in Europe or somewhere in the Americas. I am trying not to read too much into it. Normally one of the juniors are sent to open new offices. Zahir is not a junior anymore, I am hurting his career.

 I have been observing things back home. With the turmoil there, and the turmoil here I'm not sure there is a good place anywhere. For now my life is work, and home. I have had a taste of what it is like to be looked at by the police because of the color of my skin.

 I thought things would get easier when College was over. I guess I was wrong.

Chase

Good news

 Zahir wants me keeping a low profile for a little while,  I can't say why. I am safe do not worry.

  That said, Z is as happy as I am. I shared the news with him first. He gave me the ok to share. I received news from the State's Attorney's Office back home. The man who hurt raped me and damaged my voice, will  NOT get a new sentencing hearing. That means he will have no new child victims for the next 25 to life.

 I am not vengeful. I am sorry he was raped in prison. That said, it was HIS actions that put him there not mine.

I Lost My Voice - Digitally This Time

 Well we saw it coming. We were warned. Still I held out hope for a miracle. Due to the data breach, Plus has shut down. Now we are left with the "What now?" question.

 Zahir offered to pay for a professional account. That is not the same thing and with a credit card trail it would be too easy to loose my/our anonymity. 

 But Facebook is available and still free! NO!!!

1. Facebook tracks it's guests, literally. I will not let a social media company put a bullseye on my family.
2. Too many people I know are on that platform. There are some things I don't want Grandma to learn about me.

 Twitter? I use words like mercurial, bloviation, circumlocution, sesquipedalian and thermodynamic... Do you see me fitting a coherent message inside a 140 character tweet without my head exploding?

 I have another "real me" social media account. It was one I had to dial down my profile when a "digital me" fan made the connection. I don't tell a lot of people in my life of the unappealing bits of my past. I was lucky it was a colleague Z and I trust. The downside it was the boss's boy. It was VERY awkward at the office for days. I think it is why boss became so protective of me in Ukraine. Is it spineless of me to hide the disheveled and minacious parts of my life? Maybe, but I won't let that man take my future.

 Like a good number of G+ers, I have decided to test the waters over at the new social media company ME/WE. I like the promise of no tracking. We will see...

Rough Day, So Embarrassed...

Me this Wednesday!

 Math boy screwed up, damn this is embarrassing. I thought home isolation (confinement) was through Friday. Turns out the day the hospital sent me home was day one. I was off by two days, Thursday morning I am free!!!

 Things look like they are  going good with Day Nurse and Z's sister. She has been spending a lot of time here during the day. She sings a lot. The Night Nurse came in early so the two of them can go to dinner with Ethnayn (second oldest brother) and his wife. 


 I had a steroid meltdown, I got ugly with Mama today. Baba masked up and came over. I was bawling my eyes out when he came in. Day Nurse was holding me and helping to calm me. The nurse  explained the outburst as frustration, discomfort and chemicals. Baba brought Mama back and I apologized profusely. Mama hugged on me.

 Baba says he and I are going out for hot dogs Thursday for dinner, and the family is having a celebration Thursday night. With apologies to heck with dinner, Baby knows what meat he is craving...

 All that said, Zahir says he has special plans for me this weekend. I told him so long as his weekend included non-stop bed play I was good with anything. I have been having such explicit sex dreams. I pushed my luck, and asked if we could go dancing at Books@Cafe. I got a laugh and then a no. What the heck, I knew that was a stretch but, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 Dinner coming gonna wrap up.

Luv y'all
Chase

Housekeeping... Answering Questions III

Well hell, here we go again. I got some of the usual shitty comments in the inbox...

No, Mohsen did not "pimp me out" to his boss. 

• Yes, in a very round about way he did make the introduction. He let Stacy use my love of numbers and math to draw me out of my shell and reengage the world by keeping the ranch's books.
• Moe did NOT like or trust Zahir around me... at first. Then again, MOE did not trust anyone around the children in his care. 
• If not for an IRS audit, Zahir NEVER would have met me. Does that mean the IRS "pimped me out" to a Jordanian businessman?
• Moe lost his parents to the genocide Saddam Hussein waged on the Marsh Arabs. Family is everything to Moe, all of us kids ARE his family. He was and is Daddy to me.

 No Zahir is NOT a pedophile.

• Yes, Z entered my life at fifteen. That does not mean we were having sex. He was still with his "boy," David a twenty two year old young man straight out of the Israeli Army.
• At age seventeen Zahir was my best friend and mentor. When he was promoted to the engineering department and brought back to Amman I became depressed to the point I wasn't eating. HIS family took me in to recover.
• He did in fact wait until I was of legal age in MY home state. Florida the age of consent is 18 and Florida is quite draconian in their prosecution. 
• The reason he waited three years... One, I wasn't ready. Two,  the age of consent in Florida is 18...  He did not want Moe and Stacy to get in trouble.
  

He is SO much older, don't you see he is manipulating you?...

• Oh WOW some of you are just dead inside.
• Yup, he is eleven years older than me. 
• He has NEVER treated me as a child with the exception of when I have been sick, and on the rare occasion I have behaved like one.
• It is called a May-December Romance. The first lady is twenty-four years younger that his cheetoness. Does that make him a... Never-mind bad example.

To those complaining that I should break my stories up into chapters...

•  My creative process is an exercise in bloviation. It is one continuous thought process until completion. Zahir teases me quite often about my attention span being short...  my countrymen would call it squirrel like.  
• The irony is once I AM on task, my attention is laser like in focus, to the detriment of all else.
• I have received an incredible amount of flame mail involving the length of my last story. I'm terribly sorry  some of you believe you did not get your money's worth. Oh wait I did it without charge.
•  I do owe my fans an apology. I should have  paid more attention on final edits. There are a couple of glaring errors. I was rushing to complete and screwed up. My world of numbers is a lot easier than writing.

Only Me Could Catch the B!

Not me but the hair is right

 I would normally say, "Only the American BETA-boy could get this from hummus! Meningitis B..." but I was not alone.  

 B is for: Be careful of who you share snacks with. Zahir was irritated when the doc explained sharing behavior is a common way for the disease to spread. We figured it was the hummus my class partner shared with me and another student after Baba's quiz Wednesday. 

 We were laughing and listening about his family's trip to Eritrea.  One is now dead and the other is not doing as well as I am. It is looking like he may have permanent damage. I wasn't supposed to hear about the other boys.

 I can't believe how fast the symptoms came on. I was fine at dinner. I was a little loopy at bedtime. Three hours later BAM. I was lucky, by the time I came in the Docs were actively looking for the next case. When they found out where I went to school they set up for the spinal tap. I was asleep most of the day yesterday, with the exception of brief moments every few hours. 
 
 Zahir tried to sleep in a chair in the corner of my room last night, he won't go home. Baba and Mama were  taken home by Z's oldest brother after I woke at 11 pm. I feel so stupid. Baba reminded me this disease has even touched the royal family so I shouldn't feel dumb for being sick. Zahir says we are going to be reviewing my immunizations as soon as I am well.

 This morning I woke to the men in my life performing first prayer around my bed. When they finished I asked if I was dying. They laughed and Baba said no but his son's prayed for my swift recovery. After breakfast my class partner's father visited. He was apologizing to my family. He just lost his son and yet he was worried for the third boy and me. His son was great, he taught me things about the campus. Stuff that doesn't show on the campus map or guidebook. Baba and Zahir even liked him.

 After he left, Baba praised Zahir for what I dismissed at the time as an overreaction, the rush to the hospital. I was honestly thinking it was the flu. At least until the convulsions started and I was on the waiting room floor at the hospital. 

 I don't know what is in my IV bags but my mouth tastes like I swallowed a pharmacy. Still it was better than the ice packs all around my body in emergency yesterday. occasionally unconsciousness is a blessing.

 To my friends in there late teens and early twenties. We are a prime age group for this. Some of the symptoms, are: 

•  Nausea or vomiting (ding)
•  Severe headache (DING - Felt like a gnome was coming out of my skull using a hammer)    
•  Very stiff neck (ding)    
•  Confusion or difficulty concentrating (ding - but I dismissed it with all that is happening)    
•  Sleepiness (in my case tired but the pain from my head kept me awake)    
•  Decreased appetite (who would notice)     
•  Sudden Fever (DING! 38.5°C/101°F and dripping sweat when I woke Z for 1st prayer - then spiked to 39.5°C/103°F at the hospital)    
•  Seizures (not until the hospital)    
•  Sensitivity to light (ding)    
•  Lethargy (no)    
•  Skin rash (no and ick) (update YUP DING and ewww found during sponge bath on inner leg mid thigh to ankle)

Get immunized! I never thought I could get something like this either!

 I will probably get sprung in a couple of days, or four at the most. Then I can finish recovering at home. 

 They gave us (and explained) the list of foods to avoid during recovery... In general,  I can eat as many/much as I want of fresh fruits and vegetables. Moderate amounts of high-quality protein (servings about the size of a half deck of cards) and generous portions of healthy fats (NUTS - insert obligatory boyfriend joke here).

 I whimpered A LOT when I read what to reduce or avoid. 

Reduce: 

• Dairy (quarter servings)
• SALT

Avoid (DO NOT CONSUME):

• Alcoholic drinks (meh)
• White flour food items (no big)
• Deli meats (no big)
• Processed foods (no big... wait hot dogs NO!!)
• Sugary foods (have I told y'all how GOOD the desserts are here)
• Smoked fish (damn)
• Sushi (NO!!!)
• Caffeinated beverages (FUCK). 
• The list also contained tobacco products (INCLUDING second hand smoke) Z's oldest brother whimpered. I see a vape cig in his future.

Damn Mama grabbed that list quick. Baba says I can still be in class over the net, when I am able, until the Docs clear my return to class (so much for my first real in the chair college course). Not complaining, just disappointed. I was starting to enjoy the group dynamic. 

Truths...

I have learned another truism... No matter how far you travel and no matter where you go, there will always be assholes somewhere.

 I now understand why Zahir's older brother insisted on training the dogs not to touch anything without command. It looks like someone tried to poison the babies. The dogs were trained never to eat anything unless given the command. They led one of the security guys to something that was tossed over the fence, a bit of meat with a deadly treat inside. I am so angry.

 The fur babies are getting used to me being around again. All three of the psycho puppies like it when the little boy feeds them. They try to alpha me. It's kind of weird trying to force the dogs to realize they have a subservient position. On the other hand... Yay! I figured out I'm a step above the dogs.

 It also seems I was right about our media room. Z's older brothers have come by several times to watch football matches and other sporting events in the theater. I think we are seeing them more than their wives. I get head rubs for my design.

 Zahir will be going back to Iran in a few weeks. Only a week this time. I have asked if I can stay in our house while he is away... "No, let Mama spoil you." I see nineteen is just a number. So I will be spending a week in the big house with the adoptive parents, swimming around the pools, cooking and shopping. I know I won't be going to the office.

 Ah swimming...  This place is da bomb! The big house has an indoor AND outdoor pool. I got a nasty sunburn when I was seventeen while swimming at thier old place, Zahir lost his mind (or so it seemed to me at the time). He got me what I called the Fantastic Four suits. They are basically a rash suit with extra UV protection. I look like an idiot, but that is the price to use the outdoor pool. I have to admit now that it is getting cold it isn't so bad.

 My language tutor is impressed with how much I have retained. He's also impressed with how fast I'm learning. He did make a suggestion. He recommended that I get some real world experience by working with the refugees from Syria. Both Baba and Zahir immediately shot that down. Z says I can help mama with the shopping.

Still the baby.

Chase

Protect The Baby...

  Wednesday started so well. I started the day waking up from a wonderful dream in the arms of a wonderful man. By the time Wednesday ended myself and the family were in full "protect the baby" crisis mode. All five of the brothers, the family's attorney and several members of the government gathered.

  I seriously do start the day trying to look forward. If you're constantly looking backwards over your shoulder, you miss out on the opportunities that present themselves. You're also not looking at where you're going, you're gonna find yourself stumbling and falling.

  The day started off waking from a magnificent dream. It was another merman dream... I was a merman and was caught in a fisherman's net. The net had tiny barbs that dug into my flesh. As he began hauling me to shore I began screaming in distress trying to flee but the more I fought the more entangled I became. Soon with the combination of fatigue and blood loss I passed out.  

I awoke in the dream the fisherman was carrying me to market when I heard a man condemn him for what he had done. A fight ensued and my defender hit the fisherman so hard he died. He carried me to his home on the sea putting me into his sheltered lagoon to heal...

  The dream was so real I could taste the sea water... I woke during a passionate interlude to the very strong, sweaty, passionate Zahir. It turned out he thought I was awake the whole time. He spent the next hour apologizing. He thought my RLN issue was acting up. I get a little more "amorous" when I loose my voice. I think it is a control thing.

  Zahir intently listened to my merman dreams smiling the whole time (there may have been a little drool on his part). He used some psychobabble of me being a fish removed from its sea. I told him sometimes a dream is just a dream.

  I received the documents from dad's family. They sent a "settlement" check to sweeten the deal...  Chase's life rule #45: Politics and people in politics suck.

  I composed a cover letter and explained why I wouldn't accept their money. With a stroke of a pen that chapter of my life was over. Baba told me they were not worthy to call me theirs. It wasn't like they were in my life in the first place.

  After dinner we received a visitor. My rapist has filed to appeal his sentences. His legal team is insisting I be present for deposition claiming his actions were not premeditated.

  Stacy once warned me I should sue him for damages in addition to the criminal charges. At the time, I thought that was being petty. Hindsight being what it is, I see if I had cleaned him out, he wouldn't have been able to hire his team of sharks.

  The visiting attorney made a veiled innuendo, that my current "living arrangement" could be made public during deposition. THAT is when Baba stepped in to protect HIS adopted son "Nadir" (my Bedouin name). At the same time Mama started calling her sons. The eldest son arrived in less than five minutes. Zahir and our boss arrived next. Z's other brothers were on scene within fifteen minutes of their Mama's call.


  I was amazed at the calm shown by Baba and his sons. I knew they were angry, but their faces did not betray what they were holding in. I was kept by Baba or his oldest son at all times.

  Our family's attorney explained to his opposite the local laws governing liable. Especially when looked at through the eyes of Bedouin tribal law. Such a release without physical proof would be a blood liable. 

  Baba swore to the attorney I would be present for ALL legal actions to keep this evil man far from the children he preys on. I see a tremendous amount of expensive airfare in my future.

  I do feel sorry that he was injured/attacked in prison, but I am not the reason he is there. His choices/actions put him in the people zoo. Attacking me again was a huge tactical error.

  I am no longer sad. What I am now is angry, very angry. I will NOT live in fear of this asshole any more! Now we see what can be done about it.

Holidays, Morning Surprise...

  Holidays with Zahir's family are really cool. I never know what to expect. The one thing that is clear is, I am always treated as part of the family. I am not sure what part but the love is there.

  As a Christian I LOVE Eid Al-Adha (Festival of Sacrifice). To me it is proof of how much we share...

•   "Surely Abraham was an example, obedient to Allah, by nature upright, and he was not of the polytheists. He was grateful for Our bounties. We chose him and guided him unto a right path. We gave him good in this world, and in the next, he will most surely be among the righteous." (Qur'an 16:120-121)

  I was looking forward to sharing in this holy time... Regrettably I caught Baba's cold and my RLN flared. 

 ** Truth time - The RLN event wasn't triggered by Baba's cold. I shouted yesterday, "normal people" would call it raising your voice. I had a video conference with paternal grand parents. It seams they only wanted contact established so I would sign away my part of his estate. I got angry and told them to send the f-ing papers. I don't care if his people own the moon, I am done with them. (You all know Zahir checks my blog. I didn't want him to worry about me)**

I woke this morning mute as a stone! I realized it when I was feeding the babies this morning. I commanded the dogs to sit and almost nothing but air came out. The three malinois did the universal 90° confused head tilt at the same time. Fortunately my little furry pack was trained to understand gestural commands.

  The only one who fully understands my fingers is in Iran. I guess getting suspended from work was a blessing. I am pretty good with charades. In a pinch, I can always talk through my tablet and phone. I do not insist the world must adapt to me. It is frustrating at times but I like a challenge.

  The family knows I am having a flare as soon as I rest the knuckles of my closed fist in front of my lips. I don't have to complete the sign. Mama knew as soon as I entered the kitchen. Me wearing a turtle neck willingly when the temp is going to go into the high 80s is unusual. She hugged me and made me a mint tea. No stimulants allowed for the duration. She is the one family member who DOESN'T give me the broken boy pity look (BBPL) when this happens.

  I wrote this invention into one of my stories... I cannot wait until it (or something like it) hits the market. This invention will help so many. My voice is weak on it's best days, If I had these I probably wouldn't bother speaking at all. Baba's brother called me "whisper boy" last year until Baba told him that I was not being shy or rude, I just couldn't talk louder. Then I got the traditional BBPL.

  My favorite reaction when someone discovers I am mute is when they speak up and over enunciate their words assuming I am also deaf. You have to laugh where you can, or you will spend your life in tears.

  I know there are people who would be more than happy with a voice that was even intermittent, maybe I should be too. Still I would love to talk to a room without tapping the table to get a bit of hush. That would be worth not being able to sing again.

  Chase

Correct But Also Wrong...

  Although I did feel better Thursday night after seeing the gym,  I still didn't sleep much that night. I'd like to say the behavior improved on Friday but it didn't. No one likes accepting blame that is not, or that they believe is not theirs. The nice thing about having a voice that can't be heard in a loud room, you shut up and listen. I had two thoughts looping in my head:

•   The first was a conversation with my boss the day he approved my internship. We went for dinner/lunch and then took a walk to see the Jordan Gate Towers. He shocked me when he said he NEVER wanted to build something like them. Then he shared how three stories collapsed killing or injuring many workers. I look at the towers differently now. They remind me of a tower in Florida that many doubt will ever be completed. I am speaking of the Majesty Building (aka the Eyesore on I-4). It too blinds people with too much glass. It is only a year younger than me and it STILL isn't finished.

•   The second was a line from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's character Sherlock Holmes, "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." We know the design is good, the math is proven. We know Ukrainian steel work is SOLID, and a source of local pride. We know the footings are solid as well. We are missing a piece of the puzzle. It is a piece that none of us will find glaring across a table at one another.

  During dinner I raised my concerns with Saleh (Zahir's friend). His boy David was busy flirting with an almost panicked Betey. Together Saleh and I came up with three likely answers none of which could be proven in the office. To prove our theory we had to go to the build site. The best time would be Saturday or Sunday morning.

  As soon as I heard Betey hit the shower I threw on my skinny jeans and a grey sweatshirt. Then I slipped across the hall to Saleh and David's suite. We took the stairs down to the parking garage and headed off. I know this would piss off three people; Betey, Baba, and Zahir. There was a forth person who would be angry, if we found nothing... Our boss.

  Just in case Betey got creative we chose to turn our cellphones off. For a half second I thought about leaving it behind, but I knew we were too far out on this ledge already. On arrival, we managed to slip on a couple blue workers helmets in an attempt to blend in.

Example of catastrophic deflection

  We worked our way through the framing and deflection affected areas. Both of us knew something wasn't right. Neither could put our finger on it. Finally we arrived in what will be the grand lobby where the deflection was most pronounced. In engineering, deflection is the degree to which a structural element is displaced (sag or bow) under a load, heat, or age. All beams are deflected under load over time. If too much, the webbing of the beam collapses. Followed by the rest of the beam and structure.

  Our stealthy entrance lasted probably about five or six minutes. From behind me I heard the booming voice of the foreman, "Tiny Bird you come to visit!" He tapped my blue helmet and said, "You wear wrong color. Why not wearing the white? You are engineer team." On large build sites the companies will use color coded hard hats to know what trades are working and where on the site.

  I could see Saleh formulating a fib... I decided honesty was the best policy, telling him we were just trying to blend in. He asked if we were looking for the reason for the deflection in the lobby area. I shook my head yes. He told me it concerns him as well and he'd been concerned since the latest change sheets. Saleh asked, "What change sheets?"

  He disappeared into the office trailer and came back with two rolls of blueprints, and a white helmet with the companies logo. He removed the blue helmet and plopped the white on my head then he pointed at Saleh... "He blends in... You do not blend in ever. You brain boy, are too young and small."

  Saleh and I quickly identified what was missing, two walls. They were load-bearing. I asked the project manager if he knew what would happen it they continue to build without installing several buttresses to shed the load. I ran some numbers and even with the reinforcements the roof top Olympic sized infinity pool would be out of the question. Water is a killer for dead weight load.

  We saw what the secondary "architects" were trying to do. They were trying to carve out enough space behind the front desk to house two banquet rooms in addition to the restaurant. What they wanted was doable, just not the way they did it, or where they wanted to do it. This should have been on the original bid sheet.

  After we took some measurements, and had a productive discussion with a few of the crew,  we had a working concept not quite a plan but a start. Saleh was smiling, until he turned and looked over my shoulder. Betey was behind me and grabbed hold of said shoulder.

  I was so concerned with him finding me with my cell phone, I forgot about the stupid little tracker in my wallet. "I thought you were abducted until the zamel Jew broke down! He said he did not know where you were, but told me what you were doing. I called your brother Zahir rather than your father." It hurt when he called David a zamel, it implied I was as well. While it is true I am the bottom, it is such a coarse word. The worst part was knowing that he called Zahir.

  Betey continued, "Zahir told me how to use the trackers." I knew about the cute pink Bluetooth locator in my wallet. I did not know it automatically logs on to open WiFi routers. I also did NOT know the battery in my cell phone contained a second built in self powered tracker, or that my nice retro analogue watch was a tracker too!


  As soon as I turned my phone on our companies messenger app started to chime. It was Zahir, I put my ear pods in so that it could be private. He spoke "AT" me for the better part of five minutes. Letting me know how much I disappointed him. When I could finally get a word in edgewise the first words out of my mouth was I'm sorry.

  It normally disarms him for a few moments. I told him what Saleh and I were trying to do, and that we were working on a plan to save the contract. I also sent him some of the images of the deflection in steel. He told me what I did was good, how I did it was not.  We honestly didn't have another option.

  His opinion changed SLIGHTLY when I told him it was a bad copy of his signature on the bottom of the change sheets. If the building collapsed I did not want him held accountable for something he did not approve.

  Saleh asked the site manager to not mention the fact that we were on site until after we could come up with a couple fix action plans. He smiled broadly and told us he would sit on it forever, especially learning the chief structural engineer was not consulted for the changes.

  On the way back to the hotel Saleh arranged for the rest of the engineers to start heading towards his suite. While he was doing that I was apologizing profusely to Betey for ditching him.  I told him he stood out too much. He said he understood but my safety was the primary concern. I knew he was right.

  We spent the rest of the day Saturday and all day Sunday working on a way to make the clients desires a reality, and how to replace the damaged beams. Our boss in Amman flew in on Monday for that meeting. Saleh and I were commended by him for our ingenuity in protecting the firm's integrity and image.

  The choice is to except our changes or find another structural engineering firm. There is not a structural engineering firm on the planet that will approve the building in its current configuration. Especially when it gets revealed publicly that our client forged signatures on blueprints to achieve certification.

  I received an interesting reply from Zahir when he got the company's email. "Well done, but never do this again!" Apparently it's his place to fight for my honor, not the other way around.

  The boss arrived around two in the morning. We had an early team breakfast meeting to bring him up to speed on the two fix options. There was a private meeting of the client, our firm, and the construction company. After our boss exposed the forgery on the change sheets, he showed how they would have led to the probable collapse of the building before completion. The construction company was not happy with how their safety was compromised and threatened to walk off the job. The president of the client's firm said he was unaware of what his design team did and offered compensation. Our boss said he would send a bill.

  The client wisely went with the second design. It kept the pool on the roof and included the banquet rooms and a short service corridor to the kitchen. The damaged structural elements would first be replaced. A member of OUR firm would remain in Kiev to observe the rest of construction. The construction company foreman asked for me. Saleh put his hand on my shoulder as the boss shot down the request with, "He is just a student and needed on other tasks..." Saleh's junior was chosen with the construction companies approval. I felt sorry for him he hates the cold even more than me, and Ukrainian winters are hard.

  When the rest left the room the boss began praising Saleh. It went on for some time. When he turned to me the tone shifted. "I agree with Zahir, we have talked at length. What you did was absolutely good, how you did it was absolutely wrong." He then chronicled my errors in judgement. First was slipping my protectors custody, forgetting the fact Saleh was the man he originally wanted watching over me.

  He told me my job was to sit in office, do math, run errands, and learn. "You are NOT boy spy! Zahir and Saleh are trained warriors, you are JUST a boy." He went on for some time, but ended with, "You are suspended for three weeks. When Zahir returns he will decide if your internship is terminated." My head was hanging like it had been cut off. He cradled my cheeks and pulled my head up, "You and Saleh saved my family's company from a building collapse and I am grateful. You can be hurt far too easily. Please the telling is good, our people are trained to listen to you. Leave the doing to others."

  On the way out the foreman invited me to a celebratory supper. I told him I was leaving this evening with the boss and had been suspended. He rested his strong hand on my shoulder telling me when I graduate I would have a place in his company. "Always need good engineer." Then he gave me a new white company hard hat. I thanked him for the offer but told him my heart was anchored in Amman.

  We leave in an hour, Ever try to fit a hard hat into a small piece of luggage?

Housekeeping... Answering Questions II

Okay: You folks ask some tough ones.

  1) "What did Zahir mean about a whisper from you being a shout?"

  Damn, I thought I deleted that one fast. 

  The son of a bitch who raped me left me with a permanent medical condition. It is called Recurrent Laryngeal Nerve paralysis (RLN). Surely you didn't think he got life for just raping me? At present there is no additional treatment. I am grateful to just be alive.

• In my case my normal speech is now low volume and very breathy. I am shy by nature, and this doesn't help. If I have a point to make at work I knock on the table and hold up a finger to interject. Yes, the staff knows I was attacked and left injured they don't have all the details.

• If I talk for long periods my voice becomes hoarse and my throat gets sore.

• If I do not rest often, my voice fails and I am mute. It can last minutes or days. (Maybe that explains Desire's Silent Scream better)

• Yes, when this happens I can fall back on ASL American Sign Language... Yes, Zahir learned to read my fingers. I have broken into sign with him when I want him alone to hear me.

  2) "Damn you are so selfish! The man is paying for your education, you should be grateful!"

  Three of you made similar comments, but one of you was this blunt with your assumptions. I almost didn't respond...

• The State of Florida is paying for my tuition NOT Zahir. I am an on-line student of the University of South Florida - USF Tampa (Go Bulls)

• I earned a scholarship that covers my books and proctor fees as needed.

• Zahir does take care of my food and lodging and I am grateful, but that does not mean I should give up everything to him.

   3) A few of you asked if I am in contact with my father's family...

  Yes, leave it at that for now.

 

  4) Why was there a death certificate. 

  When my mother was murdered the police assumed I was washed down the Mississippi. They searched but found no body, naturally. After five years the family needed to move on. They planted my grave marker next to Mom's and had me declared.
 
  Ironically it is easier to legally die than it is to legally come back from the dead. The paperwork is killer. Still how many people can look forward to legally dying TWICE in one lifetime... Is that too dark? If you haven't noticed my sense of humor is a little warped, blame it on my life experiences. It is also only five in the morning as I write this. Haven't had my coffee yet.


  Chase