MORE... Changes!!!

 Yup! We are moving(again)!

 This is what I get for marrying a man of nomadic Bedu heritage. KIDDING! We are just going across the garden courtyard this time. With Baba's passing Zahir's brothers asked him to move into the big house to care for Mama.

 Not sure if I described the big house. This place is HUGE. Far bigger than the old compound in Al-Salt. I was not joking when I said I get lost in the place. I'd try breadcrumbs but I know the boys would eat them.

 Our boss had the compound built on family land to keep the peace between his four wives. There are several large common lounges connecting the four suites (think really big apartments) so each wife could manage her section of the house. The youngest wife didn't like her fellow brides so the boss built the "little" house across the courtyard to restore peace. Baba told me "Just because we can, does not imply we should marry more than one woman."

 My "boy cave" when Z is out of country on business is in the guest wing near the pools. Z is deciding on which of the other two will be ours. He said it would not be "proper" for the man of the house to be in the small suite. That leaves the sisters old suite or the front suite. Mama offered us the other front suite, both of us said NO!

 When you combine all of the kitchens on the property we have more kitchen space than most of the big restaurants in Amman. Those women must have truly hated each other for the boss to lay out that kind of money. I see why polygamy while permitted is seldom practiced in Islam. Less than .01% of Muslim marriages are polygamous.

 

 Baba used to say those who had two or more wives were selfish. We had a talk when he thought I was "just confused" about my sexuality. He said, "Think of it little one... look to the math." Math was our common language, and his answer to EVERYTHING. "Currently 35% of Muslims are single and most of those are men, why? Math, boy math! Only about 50% of Muslims are women. If a man marries three wives what are the other two men to do?" I guess there are parts of Zahir's faith I will never understand. I miss Baba, he was my go to guy when I was confused by things I couldn't bring to Z.

 

 Z is giving his baby sister and her hubby our house. That is MINUS our furniture. Zahir is giving Yawm the media room gear. <for those who haven't caught on to Zahir speak yet... Translation: "Baby has a project."> She and I are going through the big house tagging furniture to fill her new nest. This weekend the brothers are coming over to swap the furniture.

 Today Kaeleb started demanding my attention traditional sign for, "I need to potty hooman." As we hit the kitchen he made a hard left towards the guest suite that holds my "boy cave." He led me straight to my room. I found Mama napping in my bed. Shamal the other indoor maligator (Kaeleb's litter mate) alerted when I peeked in the door waking Mama. She said she felt at peace in my room and it was too painful sleeping in her suite without Baba. I told her to use it any time.

 On to the weird front, Mama and my boys are developing a strange friendship. Malinois are uber-high energy animals. Occasionally they will break into what I call zoom mode. They start chasing each other at high speed. It normally continues until I open the door an throw the Kong 15 billion times. This is the case... EXCEPT when Mama enters the room.

 

 I have seen the boys in mid zoom and then Mama walks in. Suddenly the boys become furry throw rugs. They lay on the ground and bury their nose with their front paws. It is the damnedest thing to see. It looks like they are praying to her!

 Shamal has been glued to Mama since Baba died. I think he feels her pain. The irony is Shamal was the anti-social loner of the litter.

 

 I thought life would get easier after graduation. It has NOT been the case. Memaw and Pawpaw are asking me to visit them in Paducah, KY. Is it wrong when you have to spell-check your birthplace? They are worried about da-rona and my access to "proper" healthcare. It's as if they think Amman is some primitive poo-hole! I have received better care here than I did growing up in Miami. They worry about me. I guess that is a good thing.

 

 It's almost 2300 I should be asleep.

 Love and peace

 Chase

We Have Lost Our Polaris

 While everyone was worried about COVID-19, we lost our guide star. Baba the leader of our tribe has gone to his reward. Three years ago he had a heart attack, and I helped him recover. Yesterday, we woke to find he had a massive one in his sleep.

 There will be changes, for now we are focusing on saying good bye to our patriarch. I wanted to avoid learning this part of Bedouin culture for some time.

 We rushed to ensure he was buried before sunset. Zahir told me the body is buried as soon as possible and always within 24 hours. We didn't know exactly when he departed so it was decided by the eldest brother it had to happen before the sun went down.

 - Nadir

Things Here Are Getting Weird

 Sorry sorry for no updates in a while. Things have gotten a little crazy here. I am starting to think it's not a safe time to be a foreigner living in Jordan. For years now I thought this was my home...

 I was running an errand for Mama. I screwed up and left Kaleeb at the house.  It was just a trip to the store on the corner. I didn't think I needed him. A national police officer approached. He demanded my ID and then took me to the station. He didn't understand sign. He took my tablet away from me, I couldn't communicate that way. Playing charades across cultural barriers is not easy. I was a thoroughly search. In the end he called Baba.

 When Baba came, they said I looked like someone they were looking for in regards to a drug trafficking case. Baba was incensed, with how they treated his son's child. Yes, Z had to adopt me to solve some legal issues. I have never seen Baba so mad.  I was pleading with my fingers to just let it go and take me home. In the end he calmed down, I got dressed and we were allowed to leave. For the first time since I got here I missed Florida.

 When Z got home the rage began again. Mama tried to keep everyone calm. In the end she realized the only one she had a chance of calming was me. She and Z' sister took me aside and told me what the government had been reporting. The Justice Ministry is blaming foreigners for an uptick in crime. The irony is drug crimes committed by non-Jordanians has actually gone down this year.

I am no longer allowed to leave the compound alone.

---

 It seams Z and I may be relocating. I found out when Mama said how Zahir's sister and her husband the nurse could move into the little house. It would be good especially now that she is making babies. Well done Yawm newly married and the first kid on the way.

The boss is talking about opening a permanent office for building design, either in Europe or somewhere in the Americas. I am trying not to read too much into it. Normally one of the juniors are sent to open new offices. Zahir is not a junior anymore, I am hurting his career.

 I have been observing things back home. With the turmoil there, and the turmoil here I'm not sure there is a good place anywhere. For now my life is work, and home. I have had a taste of what it is like to be looked at by the police because of the color of my skin.

 I thought things would get easier when College was over. I guess I was wrong.

Chase

Guilty Pleasures

 Ever since I was in the hospital back in March, I have developed a guilty pleasure... Webtoons. 
 
 Zahir caught me a while back hiding my browser page. He demanded to see what I was so embarrassed about. I handed the iPad to him to scan my browser history. I think he was expecting to find porn... That was when he was introduced to "Small World." He thinks it is cute when I do "real boy things" like reading comics. 

 When I told him Robin and Julian were like us he laughed. "I have not been small like Julian for many years." When I got more basic pointing out the tall/small paradigm he corrected me again. "My baby is NOT small, he is like those chocolate bars you Americans give out on YOUR birthday (Halloween). You are not small, you are fun sized!" Oh how I hate feel good euphemisms! I AM SHORT!!! Not compact, vertically challenged, of limited stature, wee one, petite, or fun sized.

 I have a new story I am following... Heartstopper. It takes place in a British all-boys grammar school. The story revolves around two characters:

1.  Charlie: A highly-strung, openly gay, slightly neurotic, over-thinker. Charlie is in a bad relationship when the story opens.
2.  Nick: A mellow easygoing, cheerful, soft-hearted jock. Slowly opening Charlie to a new world and experiences.

Sound familiar? (Z doesn't see the similarity)

 I read today's episode and I am sad. I think Nick is just now discovering who he is attracted to. I don't think that is going to be a pleasant discovery. In my experience, some alpha jocks with gay "stirrings" (realizations) will over compensate trying to prove to themselves and the world they are not gay.

 I told Zahir I wish I knew him when he was in grammar school. He told me that would not have worked out well. He said he thought of nothing but girls and flying then. "No, I would have been very bad for you then. I would not have seen you fully."

 Hang on Charlie I think you are in for a bumpy ride.

Z and I are on the way back to the office. The senior partners took him (and by proxy me) out to lunch. At these events I sit, am silent and attempt to blend into his shadow. I don't fit in with most of the "trophy" interns or the "real" interns. Both sides think I belong in the other camp. 

There are exceptions to every rule but none of those people were there. I ate and followed the conversation. Z pecked my cheek in the car and told me I did well.

Chase

Okay I'm Easily Confused...

 The boss and Zahir spent all day Tuesday discussing a long calendar of events that Z would have to be present for. Included in that list was three weeks in December for our wedding and honeymoon. It seems the boss is trying to step back away from the day-to-day operations and he's looking at Zahir and the other parters to step into his sizable shoes. I was grateful for the break when the boss's tea boy took me to a session with my therapist.

 At home I have a flurry of "tutors" from around the family. Every single day of the week I will be meeting with either one of his brothers or one of his sisters in law. They are assisting me with the completion of my college education. I don't need help with my labs, but apparently speed is now of the essence.  

 My final course is supposed to close out on Wednesday the 23rd of October. Zahir is trying to get me to finish by the 21st. I don't know why or what the hurry is about. He says we have a long company business trip in San Paulo and Rio de Janeiro beginning that week and he wants me finished with school before we depart. "If possible I want to finish our business before the 26th. There is something special I wish to show you."  I have a feeling this may be one of those carrot or the stick moments.
 
 I also found out three of his older brother's will be accompanying us to Brazil. As recent events have proven, I am not the most brilliant person in the world but I think something else is going on.

 Yesterday he spent most of the morning at the airport with "Muffin" (Muflih) teaching him in the other pilots the upgraded flight systems on the G550. Zahir's jet is both in and out of the company fleet. Z pays for parts but the routine maintenance and crew training is handled by the company.
 
 For long private flights (like our wedding and honeymoon) he can reimburse the company for the use of additional pilots and crew as needed. I have to admit that is a killer perk. Our boss must have been really concerned about Z leaving to start his own business. I am also starting to understand how long he has been grooming Z. His presence in Miami on the agricultural side of the parent company is starting to make sense.

 During their training I discovered why you have to put your cellular devices into airplane mode. When a cell phone pulses on an airplane, attempting to reach a cell tower, it makes a god-awful noise over the aircraft's radio systems. It is THE single fastest way to annoy the crap out of your pilot. After chastising me (then finding out that my devices were in airplane mode) Muffin checked his own cell phone... oops.

 More on communications... Thank God the Wi-Fi on the jet rocks. Z was a little embarrassed when he found out I was actually trying to take one of my finals while he was doing systems and "taxi" training with the pilots. Some of my humanities do not require the use of a proctor for on-line tests. 

 In-spite of the noise, I only missed ONE question. THE TEST WAS WRONG!!! I had just composed my challenge of the question when I heard a chuckle, followed by a nice shoulder and neck rub. Zahir said "Let it go baby, it is a very good score."

 Z told me if he had known I was taking a final, he would have sent me to the university with Baba to take the final in peace. He still doesn't understand, as an introvert I can be alone even in a crowded room, as long as people leave me be.

 We have another full day today. we have our couples session with Doc. I have a follow up for my arm with the surgeon too. Side note on therapy; Kaeleb got his staples out, and his hair is filling in again. Although anytime I go near the knife block in the kitchen now he whines. I feel stupid and guilty. I hurt a lot of people.


 Christopher (I think I prefer using Chase)

Zahir likes walking into the room
to find the three fur babies snuggling on me.
He knows I am safe.

Changes Breaking in the Wind...

 Yes, there are more changes here. No more rainbow farting unicorns on this side of the pond. I have to just deal with what is... 

 The exterior sutures come out next week. The inner stitches will dissolve over the next year. The doctor said the lack of hesitation marks will make for a cleaner scar. 

 There are a good number of people I must apologize to. First is Mama who wouldn't look upon me for three days. Second is Baba for bringing my problems to his door. Zahir's boss for having to use his influence to fix the investigation into my "cooking mishap."  My peer counselor John and my battle buddy Chris for not listening to their sound advice. Mostly to Zahir, I hurt him so bad.

 I locked all of you out. I put a plastic smile on my face this year and hid the results of the impacts as they fell. I thought I could handle it alone. I WAS WRONG!!! I learned that almost too late that I am not alone. It wasn't till Shrinky Dink had me list all the crap that happened this year that I saw how far into the outhouse I was.

 The therapist had a private consult with Zahir. I am seeing him once a week alone and once a week with Zahir. Apparently my world does not need to be smaller, it needs to be bigger. 

 Zahir had a teleconference from someone back in the States. I think I know who it was and if his supervising psychologist finds out he will be in a great deal of trouble. That said, he's right making my world smaller may have contributed to this problem. 

 I have a strange new friendship. The brother's wife who didn't like me, is doing nice things for me. She got me some long fingerless gloves to cover my wrist brace (yeah, I cut that deep). Turns out she had a sister who made a similar error.

 The strangest part is my baby. Kaeleb has been extremely clingy. I went into the kitchen to cut some fruit for breakfast and he hobbled into the kitchen with me. When I reached for the knife in the knife block he put his paw on my foot and whimpered for my attention. I gently stroked the sutures in my heroes shoulder telling him I was alright. This earned me a puppy kiss. When I stood Zahir was there smiling. He shooed me from the kitchen and gathered breakfast for the two of us.

 I am in the office with Zahir getting ready for Chris to collect me for the PTSD group meeting. Zahir and my deal is:

1. I can blog on study breaks DURING THE DAY
2. Writing is on hold until my studies permit
3. Bed is for sleeping (and private stuff)
4. It is ok to be sad, no more fake smiles
5. Talking is mandatory. Daddy must hear everything
6. Therapy attendance and participation is mandatory  
7. Weekly play dates with friends are mandatory

 Zahir and I will NOT be going on the hunt this year. Z was holding things back from me as well. This promotion of his was actually him being made a partner in the firm. NOW the jet makes sense to me. We will be traveling almost as much as the boss.


-Christopher

Visiting the Bottom, The Climb Begins Again...

 Everything is on hold here. Zahir is allowing me to post this.

 My world is getting smaller for a while. I made a bad choice. I was lucky, the dog was able to break a window to get help. He was injured in the process but will heal. Mama and security found me in time.

 I am not being left alone. I am having weekly sessions with the psychiatrist again. Zahir will be taking me to work with him, NOT as his intern, as my minder. I am to sit at my little desk in his office and work on my school projects. He hasn't said it, but I know he is angry with me. Worse than that I disappointed him and those who love me.

 Chris (my PTSD support partner) is pissed that I didn't call him. I don't know how to describe a depression spiral. I didn't plan what I did, I just acted. One minute I was cutting vegetables, I don't even remember the act of hurting myself.

 Writing and Blogging are on hold. I am sorry to my fans but I screwed up big. For now I have to focus on healing, the stitches will be out in a week or so. The wounds in my head will take longer.

 This will be my last post for a while, I am so sorry for disappointing everyone.


 Nadir (AKA Chase)

Parting Shot From Europe

 Just a short post while we're waiting to board the aircraft for home.

 Well, I have to say this morning was a bit of a surprise. We passed a big building and Zahir said, "That's your bank."
     

My bank apparently...

 I was a little surprised and laughed. I have a bank account back in Miami, I KNOW they do not have overseas branches. Apparently he set up an account for me here, "Just in case." 
      

 Conversations discussing exit plans normally end with him saying, "It is my responsibility to worry for this." I was a little frightened when he told me this was part of the "exit plan."
    

 Maybe it's my own low self-esteem, but I thought it was his way of telling me I was too much work or he was bored with me. When I began babbling for forgiveness about being such a burden. 

He replied, "No it is not for this..." good answer. "...but I must plan for my baby's care. I am older than you."

 I never have been good with discussions of mortality issues. I explained to Zahir I understood far too well that life is short. I'm going to turn twenty in October. I know when my mother was my age, she had been running from my father for three years. Before she turned twenty-three, she would be dead. 

 Heavy conversation for post breakfast.

 I understand death is a predator that stalks us all. That doesn't mean I want to curl up with it. The fact Zahir was thinking THAT far out made me happy. When I explained that he gave me rare public snuggles. 

 Then he attempted some retail therapy to lighten the mood again. I think buying new things is his answer to everything. He gets so much attention in stores. People openly flirt with him... He flirts back better.

I got Mama and Zahir's sister nice scarves and some great custom chocolate.

They are calling for us to board...

Chase

Cute link:
I am not saying Z is a touch over protective but clearly this artist was there for OUR first date.

First day of PTSD Group...

Sent by reader Doug J

The pastor is picking me up in a bit for the elders PTSD support group... I am scared... 

I am not gonna lie this scares me. I know a couple of the guys in the group. They are great, but they have seen and done REAL shit, then went back for more.

I had a really bad weekend compared to some of them. I am afraid they are gonna laugh at me. 

---

One of two GOOD rainbow ponies

Last night the eldest brother's second wife gave me a gift. An app her company is developing for the iPhone that translates sign to speech, that was sweet. 

Zahir went a step further and loaded a special voice personality on my phone.

Z routinely smashes gifts for me (like nine times out of ten). He was heartbroken to find this was the rare "ONE." His heart was so in the right place but... He had a voice made for my phone using audio from recordings of childhood plays and performances. 
 
MY voice, my old dead voice came out of my phone. Lets just say there were tears involved, NOT the good kind, followed by a run back to the little house.  

Kaeleb snuggled with me in my corner chair and growled at Zahir when he came in. That man puts up with a lot from me.

On the subject of my voice, looks like we made the right choice. The specialist who wanted to try a new procedure on me, just had his license suspended due to gross errors. I have a feeling that is a medical/legal euphemism for deaths. So my intermittent, little, shy, broken voice will remain. I am good.

I'll try to post an update tonight... I am scared.

 ***Update 1700ish***

(ALL NAMES CHANGED)

 I was surprised to be picked up by Baba. He saw my puffy red eyes (Yes, tears were involved in the session). I learned a lot, both about myself and my new "brothers."

 The Marine who has been "flirting" with me was there. I was still sitting back not engaging. Chris told the group how I triggered him. Ten years ago he lost a friend in Fallujah. 

 When Chris passed around his phone, I could see why. AC could have been an older beefier cousin. He went into detail about how many friends he had lost. He said the Corps kept pushing the slogan, "Suck it up, buttercup."

 It turns out a lot of soldiers choose to find their own therapy to protect their career. I was right about being the only rape victim (hate the word victim). It was Chris who got me to finally open up by asking; not about what happened, but what finally brought me to group.

 I described the nightmares, tremors and how I shredded Zahir's chest and arms in my sleep. I told them it felt like I was 14 again and fighting for my life when I woke. I added the dissociative incidents triggered by sights or smells (smells are the worst trigger). 

 It spiraled from there. I ended up speaking for more than a half an hour. When I saw how much time had passed, I told them it was silly for me to be there. That all of them experienced far more being combat veterans. 

 It was Safee, (on the National Police) who said what happened to me was combat. He pointed out that at 14, I was impaired by drugs and fighting with a man twice my age and twice my size. He said I was doing good just to survive. "Sounds like brutal form of combat to me." There were murmurs of agreement from the others.
 
 Jon (British) made a connection I hadn't. He asked if the groggy feeling from the original sedative wearing off was similar to emerging from the drug my rapist slipped me. I hadn't thought about it, it is.

 Ian (Australian) pointed to a poster, "Depression is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have been trying to be strong for too long." Then he added, "You have been fighting this battle mostly alone for six years, you aren't alone mate."

 When Baba collected me Chris and Jon were trying to arrange taxis. Baba offered to drop them. We had just dropped Jon at the British Council on Rainbow Street when my tummy rumbled really LOUD. Baba laughed and stopped for comfort food.

 I laughed at the irony of the situation. An older Bedouin man, took two gay men, for hot dogs on "Rainbow Street..."

 I got the normal warm welcome. "Quiet boy! The usual?!?" 

 I shook my head emphatically. Chris looked at the preparation of my custom dog and said, "THAT looks like a Chicago dog!" I told him it was the closest he would get till November. Chris's one year tour is ending and he is going home.

 Chris showed me an app for his smart watch that helps with his PTSD. I told him I don't have one. he went on to explain the benefit. Baba was listening intently (I see what is in MY future). He said the guys in group pair off for crisis support. He asked to be my "battle buddy." Baba nodded ok and we exchanged numbers.

I am good... I see a long road ahead, but isn't that the definition of life in general?

Bad Dreams

 Brunch today was awkward. Baba and mama are worried. She and Zahir went into the other lounge so Baba could talk to me alone. Mama saw Z's chest yesterday at the pool. I really did a number on it before he woke me and grabbed my hands.
 
 Baba ripped my heart out when he asked "Is living here so terrible?" 

  I lost it when Baba uttered those five words. They all thought I was unhappy here. I don't know how to explain.

 It's been almost five years. It's like my foster dad left something evil inside of me. Something lurking, stalking me each time I close my eyes. 

 I know it's irrational, but I KNOW it's also there. This isn't just a kid with bad dreams, my monster is real and HAS touched me. Just because he is in a maximum security prison doesn't mean he is not also still in my head.

 I hate it. 

 When I dream it feels like I'm still trying to fight him off, still fighting for my life. 
 

  I hate those damn white pills that won't let me wake up. I'd rather lose sleep then lose control and hurt Zahir. He's innocent, and has been nothing but good to me. He's always been the one who protected me. It's not fair to him.

 God I hate this! Why did a loving God let this happen?
 

 The three of them are off talking. I hope they don't decide I am too much work and send me home. I couldn't handle that, but I would understand. Too much baggage at nineteen.

 Kaeleb my puppy is clinging and cuddling. It's like he knows how much I am hurting. The rest of his "pack" brothers are staying close to our house.

Coursework Overload...

 

 I am sorry it has been so long. It has been hard. I am doing something a little dumb I guess. I am trying to finish college (with a double major) by my 20th birthday in October. I am also helping Baba with his class. He is testing out lesson plans on me.

 We are starting to prepare for the annual hunt in August in Wadi Rum. In addition to working with Mama, grandma, and foster mom Stacey on my wedding to Zahir. If THAT wasn't enough Zahir's sister has asked me to help with HER wedding to my former day nurse. I am TRYING to make time to write and blog but I must also have time with my honey.

  On THAT subject, I clawed him up pretty good the night before last. These nightmares are gonna be the death of me. The Shrinky Dink says they will fade... IN TIME. I just have to put in the work. I am back to seeing the shrink every two weeks. In addition to a support group meeting. I am sleeping three to five hours a night without the little white pill. Zahir made me promise to go to sleep by ten pm. If I am not I take the pill. I hate them, I wake groggy and it sucks when I can't escape my dreams.

 As I said I am trying to write. I am sorry things have slowed down.

Chase

Chapter two is uploaded...

My guilty pleasure...


 Chapter 2 of Night of the Wolf has been uploaded. I know some people will not like it because it is exposition, it is backstory, it is how Jedidiah became so screwed up.

 In many ways his character development is LOOSELY based on myself and my foster-brother. Our stories kind of flushed him out.

 Love it or hate it, it is my story. I've got a lot of ideas on how to proceed. I have chapter 3 mostly in the bag, need to drop in some steamy stuff. I have chapter 4 & 5 partially in the bag. I had one person say I need an editor to trim the fat from my stories. Well my stories are my stories. You get what you pay for.

 Had a few folks message me asking how I'm doing. I'm doing okay, I just had a little too much reality after Vienna. I got to see how the world could be. Now I see what my world is. I hope someday our world will be one where people are free to love the people they wish to love without recrimination. That is not my reality.

 I used to tell officer Mike I felt like I was born in the wrong decade. Here in Amman, I hate to say it, I found the decade I was supposed to be born in... it's just hard to live in it. My Palestinian sister-in-law hates me. I guess that puts me in good company because she hates her mother-in-law too.

 It's really odd here, if I had a gay lover who is French, German, Italian or English no one would raise an eyebrow. Because I have fallen in love with an Arab, if people KNEW, I would be hated for leading him astray. The irony is his family praise me for "settling" him and guiding him back to his faith.

 Even Heaven has limits.

Good news

 Zahir wants me keeping a low profile for a little while,  I can't say why. I am safe do not worry.

  That said, Z is as happy as I am. I shared the news with him first. He gave me the ok to share. I received news from the State's Attorney's Office back home. The man who hurt raped me and damaged my voice, will  NOT get a new sentencing hearing. That means he will have no new child victims for the next 25 to life.

 I am not vengeful. I am sorry he was raped in prison. That said, it was HIS actions that put him there not mine.

Alone Again...

The company has Zahir going out of country again. Another month in Iran. Poop!

I will be moving into the big house.  I feel like such a twelve-year-old. I know that this is for my safety.
---
Z asked me to be quiet for a couple of days.

This Easter in Jordan was a little unusual. Our church congregation was protected by Muslim youth. The family originally didn't want me going to church, given what happened in Sri Lanka. Young men from the mosque the family attends, volunteered to protect my congregation as we worshiped our Savior's Resurrection. Baba informed me part of the reason so many volunteered was due to our church's work with the Syrian refugees.

It grew to a groundswell where many churches were protected, by young men from many mosques.  To the idiot Rush Limbaugh, not all Muslims are bad, just as not all Christians are bad.  There are extremists everywhere.  Stupidity has no borders; culturally, spiritually or nationally. I love these people, and they have been nothing but good to me.

I am just speechless over their generosity.

Chase

Well Poo...

 Looks like my last story bombed. No flames, but no feedback at all. Well, it was fun to write. 

 School has been taking most of my time this week. Zahir he's been so damn sweet. He has been helping me prepare for exams this week.  The proctor is scheduled to administer them Thursday. It is early but I am ready.

 My fur baby nipped my wrist while playing today. It has inspired a story... We will see if it develops.

I Lost My Voice - Digitally This Time

 Well we saw it coming. We were warned. Still I held out hope for a miracle. Due to the data breach, Plus has shut down. Now we are left with the "What now?" question.

 Zahir offered to pay for a professional account. That is not the same thing and with a credit card trail it would be too easy to loose my/our anonymity. 

 But Facebook is available and still free! NO!!!

1. Facebook tracks it's guests, literally. I will not let a social media company put a bullseye on my family.
2. Too many people I know are on that platform. There are some things I don't want Grandma to learn about me.

 Twitter? I use words like mercurial, bloviation, circumlocution, sesquipedalian and thermodynamic... Do you see me fitting a coherent message inside a 140 character tweet without my head exploding?

 I have another "real me" social media account. It was one I had to dial down my profile when a "digital me" fan made the connection. I don't tell a lot of people in my life of the unappealing bits of my past. I was lucky it was a colleague Z and I trust. The downside it was the boss's boy. It was VERY awkward at the office for days. I think it is why boss became so protective of me in Ukraine. Is it spineless of me to hide the disheveled and minacious parts of my life? Maybe, but I won't let that man take my future.

 Like a good number of G+ers, I have decided to test the waters over at the new social media company ME/WE. I like the promise of no tracking. We will see...