Chapter two is uploaded...

My guilty pleasure...


 Chapter 2 of Night of the Wolf has been uploaded. I know some people will not like it because it is exposition, it is backstory, it is how Jedidiah became so screwed up.

 In many ways his character development is LOOSELY based on myself and my foster-brother. Our stories kind of flushed him out.

 Love it or hate it, it is my story. I've got a lot of ideas on how to proceed. I have chapter 3 mostly in the bag, need to drop in some steamy stuff. I have chapter 4 & 5 partially in the bag. I had one person say I need an editor to trim the fat from my stories. Well my stories are my stories. You get what you pay for.

 Had a few folks message me asking how I'm doing. I'm doing okay, I just had a little too much reality after Vienna. I got to see how the world could be. Now I see what my world is. I hope someday our world will be one where people are free to love the people they wish to love without recrimination. That is not my reality.

 I used to tell officer Mike I felt like I was born in the wrong decade. Here in Amman, I hate to say it, I found the decade I was supposed to be born in... it's just hard to live in it. My Palestinian sister-in-law hates me. I guess that puts me in good company because she hates her mother-in-law too.

 It's really odd here, if I had a gay lover who is French, German, Italian or English no one would raise an eyebrow. Because I have fallen in love with an Arab, if people KNEW, I would be hated for leading him astray. The irony is his family praise me for "settling" him and guiding him back to his faith.

 Even Heaven has limits.

Plans Are Progressing...

 This is a year of celebrations for our family. Our King's rule and I both turn twenty. The Universities will all hold ceremonies celebrating the 20th anniversary of King Abdullah’s Accession to the Throne. Yes, I will be attending one with Baba.  “Long Live His Majesty, Long Live the King.” I have learned to sign the traditional Bedouin chant (in Levantine Arabic Sign Language) if my voice should fail.

 We hosted a party for one of Baba's nephews. He had his wings pinned on by the King Monday. Zahir teased him about his future as a freight hauler (cargo pilot). Joking aside, I caught Zahir handing the boy HIS first set of wings.

Baba and Mama will be celebrating 35 years of marriage. 

There is ANOTHER wedding in the works. Yawm (my former Day Nurse) has asked Baba for Mayada's hand. It was so cute, he said he knew he did not have much but he would work hard. Baba replied Yawm had the most important thing, her heart.

 I got an update on Khalid's permaculture berms that we built in Wadi Rum. They are doing well, actually exceeding the needs of the family. I did not see them working THAT well so soon. I shared the news and photos with my grandparents in Paducah. they replied, "You come from farm folk... We can grow anything anywhere." 

The catchment system will look like this

 Khalid and I are already designing the next phase a permanent swale and cistern system to capture and store every drop of rain that falls on his land.

Changes:

 We missed out on booking where we wanted to stay for the wedding. Moe and Stacie say we will find a better place. They are looking at renting houses/cabins. Zahir is teasing HE is choosing our honeymoon location based on my readers... That got me thinking, the wedding is in December so I took a peek at my readers...

My blog reader metrics have shifted:

1.  United States (Mostly Cold - Southern California or Hawaii sound nice)
2.  Norway (Cold)
3.  Netherlands (Cold)
4.  Russia (F-ing Cold I am told)
5.  Australia (mmmm Summer)
6.  United Kingdom (Cold AND Wet)
7.  Belgium (Cold but good chocolate)
8.  Singapore (equatorial tropical heaven but same-sex sexual activity is illegal*)
9.  South Africa (Summer - having trouble with summer HERE 102 f today)
10.  Egypt ( ? Not sure why, Zahir says flat NO)

 So long as I am with him and there is a bed I will be happy. Six more months until my fiance is my husband. SO HAPPY!!!

 Zahir is still talking about opening a structural design firm in Atlanta. "I design buildings you make them pretty..." I think he MAY be serious. I would miss Baba and Mama but I will follow him. 

He is my heart💗

 * The CURRENT Attorney-General has declared that prosecutions under Singapore's Section 377A still occur.

I Lost The Battle of the Sleeping Pill...

After not sleeping last night again. Zahir brought me a glass of water and one of those little white pills that I dread.  Then to make sure I did not cheat, he gave me a snack to eat. 

He's catching on.


It is 10:49 good night all.

Chase

Started A New Story... It is DARK!

Night Of The Wolf....

Teen love, love lost, and werewolves...  I was surprised how fast Nifty posted it. It posted so fast I got my first piece of fan mail, before I got the acknowledgement of its post. It is my first foray into horror. I'm liking the characters so far. I am working on four chapters at the same time is kind of weird.

 I have been I have been working on some dark issues here and Night Of The Wolf is how they were revealed. It is also why Zahir asked me to diminish my online presence. He was worried. When Shrinky Dink read the opening scene he was concerned initially. I am not a violent person but it is a brutal scene. Like I said, I am working through some issues.

 I hope my regular fans like it. I'm not sure what the lag is going to be on chapters but there are two more that are almost completed. Z is concerned I am casting him as the villain. Not an issue,  I know who I patterned the villain after.

I already did get a negative comment as well... "That's not 'shifter' canon." I NEVER SAID IT WAS. My prof in comparative religions got me interested on a side tangent. She said most culture's creator stories are similar, just like their werewolf tales. I was curious and started a side research project.

Oh SH-T - My Worlds Collide...

Sometimes I think he sees me like this.

 I  put my chances of getting Zahir to come to another Gay 🌈Pride event at less than 50 50,

First blunder was a bar he took me to Thursday night. Vienna has a very colorful, somewhat boisterous, active fetish community (Remember I was raised in MIAMI). The club he took me to was having its "Woof🐶 and Oink🐷 night." Everyone started addressing me as if I were his puppy. Then some began praising my silence, (Yes, with all the excitement my voice has gone very quiet). Zahir saw something and he hustled me out🏃 before our drinks were even delivered. The bouncer recommended a calmer club for the 'fragile boy.'😿

Other times I feel like this...

Zahir opted to just take me on a carriage ride in the park. When we got back to the hotel room he commented, "This is Pride Week? It is a freak show." When he sat down on the sofa, I poured him a drink from the nice bottle of whiskey our hosts gave him in the welcome basket. Then I sat on his lap and pulled up some pictures on my tablet. I showed him photos of my very first 🌈Pride event in Miami.

I was young, fully clothed with a group of other foster kids. I had the biggest smile on my face. "This is my baby, this is boy I fall in love with." The next photo showed what was behind us... He was shocked.

I told him, (keep in mind it's a whisper so he had to actually listen), "Pride is not about just us. It's about all of us the entire Spectrum of people who have to hide in the shadows because they love differently. There are some (even in the gay community) who would look at our age difference and condemn you as an Arab 'daddy' having a little white boy 'plaything.' Does the fact they don't understand us, change the fact that we love each other?" I don't know whether he agreed with me but I did get mad snuggles.

He was scowling this morning when we came down for breakfast. Our hosts and I managed to get him to agree to go to the parade. To his surprise he was not alone. Our host had arranged a few other businessmen from the Middle East who have partners, (two of the partners were white European twinks, a man from some place called Cameroon,  and the others who looked like they were from the same place as their partner).

I love feeling like this when I help him

Introductions were made (Zahir translated to English for me as needed), when it came to me I started signing and Zahir started translating. At the end I said something and Zahir refuse to translate it. The woman at the next table apologized for eavesdropping on my fingers. Then she translated what my guy wouldn't, "This is the man who saved my life. I would have given up without him." Zahir blushed and snuggled me. For a man who loves being the center of attention he does not like taking credit for saving me. Turned out she was on her honeymoon. She and her wife were from Los Angeles. She teaches sign to the newly impaired.

It was Zahir's turn next, that man got me crying. He told a little about himself. Then he went on to how his life changed when he met a wounded boy in Miami. He told them of the boy's courage during trial and sentencing, and the fierce nature of his baby's heart. This man clearly was not describing me, but God do I want to meet that kid. 

After breakfast Babila, the guy from Cameroon, asked if I wrote under the name Chase Nadir💣. My two worlds collided. I cringed and Zahir said, "I told you you share too much." Turns out he found my work after reading another cyber friends blog. His lover is a Muslim from Algeria and a HUGE fan of Emri's work. A tirade of questions ensued. I think I broke his heart when I told him I only know what I read in his blog.

We all marched today wearing blue jeans, business jackets and pink t-shirts, yes even Zahir.  For the record I hate t-shirts, but the men said that the thin mark on my throat was a badge of honor and I should never cover it.

The other men where switching between Arabic, German, French AND English. Babila and I chatted, his ears are good, he could hear my whispers even in a crowd. His English is better than my Arabic.

Maybe I will get him to go to a 🌈Pride event again. 


Headed back to the hotel, my big guy needs rest. We are having dinner with the guys we marched with. They are taking us to a foam party tonight. Zahir has never been to one... 😊

• Side Note: I found another language I physically cannot speak, GERMAN. I never thought I would discover a MORE difficult language than Arabic. "Freundschaftsbezeugung..." really!!! YIKES! 
  "demonstrations of friendship."

Tomorrow we go home. Thank you Austria.

 I know I bring him peace. I also know others look at me as just a piece.

My Sneaky Guy...

 I am getting better in the kitchen. Mama trusts me to feed her baby at least once a day. I impressed her last month during my turns to make breakfast for the family. Most days she will still stick her head in to see how things are going. I think she is getting lonely with Baba at the university so much. I think I have become her "project."

"This Is how I see Z cooking!"

 I occasionally have fantasies about Zahir cooking for me. I know that won't happen but there is nothing hotter than a stud with a skillet. Maybe that is just me projecting. I am happy with all he provides.


 Monday started normal enough. Arba'ah took me to therapy. Yup I am still seeing "Shrinky Dink" once to twice a month. Doc says I am making "progress" confronting my demons. 

 Currently writing a dark story, lots of violence borrowing from life. Doc doesn't let me "get away" with using soft words. "Trauma is ugly kid. It is natural to want to run from it. That's NOT what we are here for." 

 Anyway, NORMALLY after a session Arba'ah and I go out for a hot dog. High sodium comfort food. This time he was in a big rush. He told me I had to be good, he had a special client to meet. I wasn't surprised pulling into the Airport, a lot of business does get done there.

 Zahir (aka Mr Sneaky pants) surprised me with a trip in honor of my grades. We are in Vienna for their Pride festival... 💖This trip has been so many firsts. He isn't big on public displays, he surprised the hell outta me when he kissed me in the lobby of our hotel.😗 LIT ME UP!!! 

 My head is still buzzing from the club, another first. Zahir took me to my first GAY CLUB!!!!! I have said before clubs are not my thing. TOTALLY different vibe. We spent much of the night on the floor. Every time I drew unwanted (too much) attention he hustled me off the dance floor. "Baby needs rest."

It was not lost on me we were on the floor for every slow dance. I love how he holds me. We just got back to the Hotel. We are going to leave the day after the parade Saturday. I think this is HIS first. I'll be gentle. 😉😇

Eid Came Early... (For Me)

Waiting with Baba at the airport for Zahir's plane to land. To hell with food. I have been fasting in other ways this month. The client required the Zahir to arrive early due to third-party vendor's schedule conflict.  This precipitated a long three-week separation. It could have been worse, it could have been a month.

If his father didn't drive, I'd probably jump all over Zahir as soon as he gets in the car.  That said, I will have to be the good boy for another couple of hours. The family will be breaking today's fast together when we arrive back at the compound. His brother has been super clingy. I think Z had him watch over his boy while he was away. He carved time out of his schedule to go on my daily walks exercising the crazy dog.

I have a U.S. Marine who's been flirting with me. Shot him down after church yesterday.  He's a nice guy but he is not Zahir. Turns out he's been flirting for the past few weeks and I was too oblivious to see it. Pastor's wife pointed it out.  I do believe I may have broke his heart.

He will get over it soon, I'm not that special.

My grades came in and I did well. I am already starting my last classes required for my degrees.

Must go the company's jet  just landed.

Love to you all,

Chase

Good news

 Zahir wants me keeping a low profile for a little while,  I can't say why. I am safe do not worry.

  That said, Z is as happy as I am. I shared the news with him first. He gave me the ok to share. I received news from the State's Attorney's Office back home. The man who hurt raped me and damaged my voice, will  NOT get a new sentencing hearing. That means he will have no new child victims for the next 25 to life.

 I am not vengeful. I am sorry he was raped in prison. That said, it was HIS actions that put him there not mine.

My Morning

Got up at 3 a.m. this morning.  It was my morning to make the breakfast for everyone. I would love to say that Mama trusts me... But, when it comes to halal cooking for her hubby... not so much.  She was up and watching every move I made.

It was fun, we were chatting. She lets me practice my Arabic and sometimes it's funny. Okay there are times it's downright comical. Other times I can tell if I said something the wrong way, when she makes a funny face. Then have to replay the conversation in my mind and find out what I did wrong.  Often it's me talking around my vocal inability. When I explain I can't say the word I want to, she understands and suggests a better word or phrase.

I did it in the market last week, and a boy started laughing. His father the shopkeeper told him my voice was broken and this was the best attempt I had. I hated the look of pity I got from the child. Then he grinned ear-to-ear and said muhawalat jayida "good try."  I love little kids.

Chase

I'm still here.

 I know I've been dormant but life has been busy. Still have a couple stories in the works haven't been able to spend a lot of time on them though.

Wedding plans continue, as do commencement plans.  Baba looked at me this week and said he was grateful that I dropped his class. He was looking at the sheer amount of projects I'm trying to wrap up. He said I overworked myself. That is rare praise from him by the way.😇

Even my faculty advisor is amazed at the amount of humanities classes I'm trying to wrap up. I have a goal everyone told me it's not a realistic goal but I know I can do it.🤓

Zahir takes off in a couple weeks for Tehran. He says he'll only be gone for three weeks I'll believe that when I see it. He's working so hard to make a good life for us.😭

 I was surprised when out of the blue he said he was considering starting his own  architecture firm. He's considering working out of the Atlanta area. I don't know what it is, but I'm thinking of Jordan as my home these days. I'm not sure what I think about going to Georgia.

The one thing I know, wherever he is I will be happy. 😚

Alone Again...

The company has Zahir going out of country again. Another month in Iran. Poop!

I will be moving into the big house.  I feel like such a twelve-year-old. I know that this is for my safety.
---
Z asked me to be quiet for a couple of days.

This Easter in Jordan was a little unusual. Our church congregation was protected by Muslim youth. The family originally didn't want me going to church, given what happened in Sri Lanka. Young men from the mosque the family attends, volunteered to protect my congregation as we worshiped our Savior's Resurrection. Baba informed me part of the reason so many volunteered was due to our church's work with the Syrian refugees.

It grew to a groundswell where many churches were protected, by young men from many mosques.  To the idiot Rush Limbaugh, not all Muslims are bad, just as not all Christians are bad.  There are extremists everywhere.  Stupidity has no borders; culturally, spiritually or nationally. I love these people, and they have been nothing but good to me.

I am just speechless over their generosity.

Chase

Well Poo...

 Looks like my last story bombed. No flames, but no feedback at all. Well, it was fun to write. 

 School has been taking most of my time this week. Zahir he's been so damn sweet. He has been helping me prepare for exams this week.  The proctor is scheduled to administer them Thursday. It is early but I am ready.

 My fur baby nipped my wrist while playing today. It has inspired a story... We will see if it develops.

Just Stepped Far Outside The Box

Just sent in my FIRST two maybe three part story to Nifty - Shon - Shunned & Redeemed (Part One). The story centers around a shunned Amish teen trying to figure himself out. I pictured this guy when I wrote the story about Shon.➜

It takes place a year after his shunning. He has had a chance encounter and must reengage his old life. Shon is dealing with a lot of changes.




***Update: Chapter Two was sent in as well...*** .


***Update Two: the story is up... In the transgender\teen part of the site.***

I Lost My Voice - Digitally This Time

 Well we saw it coming. We were warned. Still I held out hope for a miracle. Due to the data breach, Plus has shut down. Now we are left with the "What now?" question.

 Zahir offered to pay for a professional account. That is not the same thing and with a credit card trail it would be too easy to loose my/our anonymity. 

 But Facebook is available and still free! NO!!!

1. Facebook tracks it's guests, literally. I will not let a social media company put a bullseye on my family.
2. Too many people I know are on that platform. There are some things I don't want Grandma to learn about me.

 Twitter? I use words like mercurial, bloviation, circumlocution, sesquipedalian and thermodynamic... Do you see me fitting a coherent message inside a 140 character tweet without my head exploding?

 I have another "real me" social media account. It was one I had to dial down my profile when a "digital me" fan made the connection. I don't tell a lot of people in my life of the unappealing bits of my past. I was lucky it was a colleague Z and I trust. The downside it was the boss's boy. It was VERY awkward at the office for days. I think it is why boss became so protective of me in Ukraine. Is it spineless of me to hide the disheveled and minacious parts of my life? Maybe, but I won't let that man take my future.

 Like a good number of G+ers, I have decided to test the waters over at the new social media company ME/WE. I like the promise of no tracking. We will see...

And The Times They Are A-Changin...

 Two types of people hate this time of year businessmen and sports fans.  I have been listening to Zahir and his brothers complain about missing matches all weekend. Jordan switched over to Daylight Savings Time (summer time) before the rest of Europe, and the United States does it even before them.

 In this 24/7 world we're now in, is there really a purpose for daylight savings time? Has it outlived its purpose? Most office buildings no longer shut down completely, so where's the savings?

 I'm working on a couple of stories. Most of my focus is on my studies.  My skin has a pinkish glow, down from the crusty red and most of the lesions on my legs have faded. Again I'm going to tell, ask, and beg college students who live in dorms get vaccinated. Please.

 Love y'all Chase

I Cheered For A Bad Guy (Golly) (repost)

 "Why did your post come down?" Zahir likes to review my post for my safety. This time he thought I put Mohsen and Stacey in jeopardy. He asked (demanded) they and Officer Mike review what I said. Officer Mike said I was the hero not him, I disagree. He lost far to much helping me.

 We found out that I did not hurt Moe & Stacey. The last of five adoptions were completed this last week. Those boys and girls are the luckiest kids in Florida to end up in their care. The two of them are leaving Florida but not without "their" babies.

***

 Just finished reading a series on Nifty that touched my heart. I was looking  to see if Emri sneaked a story on line that week (he did). 

 I found A Throw Away Kid by Erastes, I saw the story title and was interested. The author (Erastes) clearly has some experience with the world of foster care. The way he mentioned the trash bag drag speaks to that (been there done that). 

 I don't like the pederasty genre (surprise huge turn off). This author however touched my heart because I saw a lot of my DCF life in his lead character.

 As I read the story I found myself cheering for the pedophile (his lover was 13, yes pedophile). I cheered because he was the lesser of all evils in the case of these boys. I have said before victims of childhood sex trauma initially fall into two camps generally. 

1. Non-sexual - Sex is evil and I will have no part of it. (that was me)
2. Hyper-sexual - Sex is just a thing needed like air (Kyle from the story) the line between sex and love becomes blurred to the point of non-existence.

 With a tremendous amount of love, understanding, (and yes therapy) "normal" can become more than just a drier setting again in regards to sex.

 The story touched chords with me during the hospital scene too. When my (DCF certified) rapist foster dad tried to choke me out because I was making too much noise while I tried to alert the guy at the door I needed help, the system almost killed me again. 

 DCF has agreements with specific (often overworked and underfunded) hospitals. It was Officer Mike who handed the (DCF certified) foster dad rapist his ass. Then he brought me back to life the first time that day. He explained to the paramedics that if I went to the (DCF certified) hospital I would end up in the (DCF certified) morgue. He begged them to take me to the closest level one trauma center (it was NOT DCF certified). 

 As a result of his good deed, my hero lost his job as a contract investigator for the state. The worst part was when the state took his law enforcement officer certification for his continued "interference" with DCF casework (my life). 

 The author hit another homer when "Kyle" gets labeled as a sexual predator by the agency. This is not as a result of a criminal charge or conviction but as a result of him having consensual sex with a foster brother. THIS HAPPENS, I have seen it. Once the agency THINKS you might be a predator; they re-home you accordingly without trial, review, appeal, and often without evidence.

 CPS, DSS, DCFS, DCW, DCS, DCF doesn't matter what you call them, they all SUCK at protecting kids. If you belong to these organizations I am not blaming you per se, I do however blame the rule books that govern the organizations.

 I bitch about the screwy age of consent laws in my home state (Floriduh). Age of consent is 18. But then they add a murky Romeo and Juliet sliding scale that is total tomfuckery. IF you are 16 or 17 you are "KIND OF" legal too based on the exact age separation of your partner. 
 In our sister states Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi they went with a clear age of consent of 16. Why? Because MOST people can make that choice then. Those states added teeth to use on those who prey on the mentally challenged. 

 At seventeen I had already graduated HS, finished more than 1 year of college, and I was very much in love with Zahir. I wasn't sure if it was erotic love but we did know the 11 years that separated us was insurmountable. 

 Before he returned to Jordan Zahir and his boyfriend David split up but Z could not pursue me. Even if I became an emancipated minor (recognized by the courts as an adult) I would still be off limits due to the age of consent sliding scale. A scale that said I could make love to guys 14-23 but could not bed the 28 year old who truly loved me. The man who rebuilt the empty shell of a person DCF hollowed was off limits.

 For the second time in my life someone thru the rule book aside to protect me. For eleven months Mohsen and Zahir hid me from DCF's radar. Mohsen told them during site visits that I was traveling celebrating graduation, exceptional performance in college studies, and whatever lame excuse he could come up with to hide that I was in Amman. Being an on-line student had value. We had a VPN that showed I was logging on to UCF from Miami, and DCF the bureaucracy slept.

 Rule-books rigidly followed have injured and yes killed the innocent. What we need are case flexible guidebooks. Ironically many GOOD DCF caseworkers say the same thing. 

 Some day I MAY write my life story, including the names of the DCF case workers and supervisors who failed me as well as those who genuinely tried.

Back Without A Mask

 The "our boy is well" party went till two o'clock this morning. I got to have a long talk with Baba and Zahir. I am dropping my physics course. I am going to focus on my engineering degree. 

 The purpose of this course was to experience "real" class life. If I have to finish the semester via video link, what is the point. Besides, I think I have had enough "real" time for now.

  I asked for a separate plate of mansaf. It is going to be a long time before I will be ready to share a meal like that or dip from any communal bowl. I know I sound like I am a coward.

  Zahir was going to surprise me with a trip to our favorite spa. Mud baths and salt scrubs don't sound good on my Vancomycin sensitive skin. I will be lobster red for a few days. Z is spoiling me here at home this weekend. He's giving me moisturizer massages. His hands all over me for three days. I have no plans to leave OUR room for those three days. 

 Chase

Mama Sees, Hears, Knows... EVERYTHING

 Mama, Sister, Yawm (Day Nurse) and I are to have a dinner tea date. 

 Baba cringed playfully last night as Mama and I planned it. Mama was priming me on a thousand or so questions I should ask him. I almost blundered when Mama said I MUST ask when he plans on becoming a doctor. 

I said I didn't see a problem with a male nurse. The withering look I got was deflected when Baba emphatically gestured shouting "Boy is right!" She recommended he pay closer attention to his match, Zahir was rolling. He stopped laughing when Mama said a GOOD son would take off work to watch over the courtship of his baby sister!

 I have said before my place in this family is odd. This is one of those times I am like the baby brother. I occasionally joke, the on call male stand in.

 This morning Zahir kissed my forehead, "One more night my princess." Mama came over with breakfast for HER babies. I couldn't help notice it just happened to correspond with the day and night nurse patient turn over. That woman sees and hears ALL.

 No sooner had Z left for work and Mama went back to the big house, security escorted a floral delivery to our entry. The two men were straining with the size of the arrangement. I tipped them both 50 JOD The arrangement was THAT heavy.

 When Mama came back she complained her son sent yellow funeral flowers. I told her about the survey we took yesterday. That Zahir knew roses, callas, and daffodils were my favorite flowers and yellow was my all time favorite color. The room smells absolutely AMAZING!

 As Mama headed back to the big house to get ready, Yawm whispered to me that he had much to learn about my sister. I could see Mama grinning in the glass. She hears EVERYTHING. Well done Yawm on passing your first Mama test.

 Chase

 (Yes, I created a name for him. I think Yawm 'Day' is gonna be around for a while.)

Rough Day, So Embarrassed...

Me this Wednesday!

 Math boy screwed up, damn this is embarrassing. I thought home isolation (confinement) was through Friday. Turns out the day the hospital sent me home was day one. I was off by two days, Thursday morning I am free!!!

 Things look like they are  going good with Day Nurse and Z's sister. She has been spending a lot of time here during the day. She sings a lot. The Night Nurse came in early so the two of them can go to dinner with Ethnayn (second oldest brother) and his wife. 


 I had a steroid meltdown, I got ugly with Mama today. Baba masked up and came over. I was bawling my eyes out when he came in. Day Nurse was holding me and helping to calm me. The nurse  explained the outburst as frustration, discomfort and chemicals. Baba brought Mama back and I apologized profusely. Mama hugged on me.

 Baba says he and I are going out for hot dogs Thursday for dinner, and the family is having a celebration Thursday night. With apologies to heck with dinner, Baby knows what meat he is craving...

 All that said, Zahir says he has special plans for me this weekend. I told him so long as his weekend included non-stop bed play I was good with anything. I have been having such explicit sex dreams. I pushed my luck, and asked if we could go dancing at Books@Cafe. I got a laugh and then a no. What the heck, I knew that was a stretch but, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 Dinner coming gonna wrap up.

Luv y'all
Chase

One Week Down...

One week down of home isolation, one to go. I am not happy but I am still here... 

...does the phrase stir-crazy ring bells?

Baba gave me the bad news. I have been ask to stay home and finish the last few weeks of the semester via home study. For the "Preponderance of caution for the health of the other students." My lab partner is coordinating our project via video link. He is not as good as Dagher, but he is committed.

Steroids have my emotions all over the place, I am crying a lot. The vancomycin is making me itch. The changes to my diet are driving me nuts. I am hating my new meat portion sizes. They are down to sizes of a half deck of cards. "It will pass," I keep telling myself.

Nadir