Oh SH-T - My Worlds Collide...

Sometimes I think he sees me like this.

 I  put my chances of getting Zahir to come to another Gay 🌈Pride event at less than 50 50,

First blunder was a bar he took me to Thursday night. Vienna has a very colorful, somewhat boisterous, active fetish community (Remember I was raised in MIAMI). The club he took me to was having its "Woof🐶 and Oink🐷 night." Everyone started addressing me as if I were his puppy. Then some began praising my silence, (Yes, with all the excitement my voice has gone very quiet). Zahir saw something and he hustled me out🏃 before our drinks were even delivered. The bouncer recommended a calmer club for the 'fragile boy.'😿

Other times I feel like this...

Zahir opted to just take me on a carriage ride in the park. When we got back to the hotel room he commented, "This is Pride Week? It is a freak show." When he sat down on the sofa, I poured him a drink from the nice bottle of whiskey our hosts gave him in the welcome basket. Then I sat on his lap and pulled up some pictures on my tablet. I showed him photos of my very first 🌈Pride event in Miami.

I was young, fully clothed with a group of other foster kids. I had the biggest smile on my face. "This is my baby, this is boy I fall in love with." The next photo showed what was behind us... He was shocked.

I told him, (keep in mind it's a whisper so he had to actually listen), "Pride is not about just us. It's about all of us the entire Spectrum of people who have to hide in the shadows because they love differently. There are some (even in the gay community) who would look at our age difference and condemn you as an Arab 'daddy' having a little white boy 'plaything.' Does the fact they don't understand us, change the fact that we love each other?" I don't know whether he agreed with me but I did get mad snuggles.

He was scowling this morning when we came down for breakfast. Our hosts and I managed to get him to agree to go to the parade. To his surprise he was not alone. Our host had arranged a few other businessmen from the Middle East who have partners, (two of the partners were white European twinks, a man from some place called Cameroon,  and the others who looked like they were from the same place as their partner).

I love feeling like this when I help him

Introductions were made (Zahir translated to English for me as needed), when it came to me I started signing and Zahir started translating. At the end I said something and Zahir refuse to translate it. The woman at the next table apologized for eavesdropping on my fingers. Then she translated what my guy wouldn't, "This is the man who saved my life. I would have given up without him." Zahir blushed and snuggled me. For a man who loves being the center of attention he does not like taking credit for saving me. Turned out she was on her honeymoon. She and her wife were from Los Angeles. She teaches sign to the newly impaired.

It was Zahir's turn next, that man got me crying. He told a little about himself. Then he went on to how his life changed when he met a wounded boy in Miami. He told them of the boy's courage during trial and sentencing, and the fierce nature of his baby's heart. This man clearly was not describing me, but God do I want to meet that kid. 

After breakfast Babila, the guy from Cameroon, asked if I wrote under the name Chase Nadir💣. My two worlds collided. I cringed and Zahir said, "I told you you share too much." Turns out he found my work after reading another cyber friends blog. His lover is a Muslim from Algeria and a HUGE fan of Emri's work. A tirade of questions ensued. I think I broke his heart when I told him I only know what I read in his blog.

We all marched today wearing blue jeans, business jackets and pink t-shirts, yes even Zahir.  For the record I hate t-shirts, but the men said that the thin mark on my throat was a badge of honor and I should never cover it.

The other men where switching between Arabic, German, French AND English. Babila and I chatted, his ears are good, he could hear my whispers even in a crowd. His English is better than my Arabic.

Maybe I will get him to go to a 🌈Pride event again. 


Headed back to the hotel, my big guy needs rest. We are having dinner with the guys we marched with. They are taking us to a foam party tonight. Zahir has never been to one... 😊

• Side Note: I found another language I physically cannot speak, GERMAN. I never thought I would discover a MORE difficult language than Arabic. "Freundschaftsbezeugung..." really!!! YIKES! 
  "demonstrations of friendship."

Tomorrow we go home. Thank you Austria.

 I know I bring him peace. I also know others look at me as just a piece.