I Cheered For A Bad Guy (Golly) (repost)

 "Why did your post come down?" Zahir likes to review my post for my safety. This time he thought I put Mohsen and Stacey in jeopardy. He asked (demanded) they and Officer Mike review what I said. Officer Mike said I was the hero not him, I disagree. He lost far to much helping me.

 We found out that I did not hurt Moe & Stacey. The last of five adoptions were completed this last week. Those boys and girls are the luckiest kids in Florida to end up in their care. The two of them are leaving Florida but not without "their" babies.

***

 Just finished reading a series on Nifty that touched my heart. I was looking  to see if Emri sneaked a story on line that week (he did). 

 I found A Throw Away Kid by Erastes, I saw the story title and was interested. The author (Erastes) clearly has some experience with the world of foster care. The way he mentioned the trash bag drag speaks to that (been there done that). 

 I don't like the pederasty genre (surprise huge turn off). This author however touched my heart because I saw a lot of my DCF life in his lead character.

 As I read the story I found myself cheering for the pedophile (his lover was 13, yes pedophile). I cheered because he was the lesser of all evils in the case of these boys. I have said before victims of childhood sex trauma initially fall into two camps generally. 

1. Non-sexual - Sex is evil and I will have no part of it. (that was me)
2. Hyper-sexual - Sex is just a thing needed like air (Kyle from the story) the line between sex and love becomes blurred to the point of non-existence.

 With a tremendous amount of love, understanding, (and yes therapy) "normal" can become more than just a drier setting again in regards to sex.

 The story touched chords with me during the hospital scene too. When my (DCF certified) rapist foster dad tried to choke me out because I was making too much noise while I tried to alert the guy at the door I needed help, the system almost killed me again. 

 DCF has agreements with specific (often overworked and underfunded) hospitals. It was Officer Mike who handed the (DCF certified) foster dad rapist his ass. Then he brought me back to life the first time that day. He explained to the paramedics that if I went to the (DCF certified) hospital I would end up in the (DCF certified) morgue. He begged them to take me to the closest level one trauma center (it was NOT DCF certified). 

 As a result of his good deed, my hero lost his job as a contract investigator for the state. The worst part was when the state took his law enforcement officer certification for his continued "interference" with DCF casework (my life). 

 The author hit another homer when "Kyle" gets labeled as a sexual predator by the agency. This is not as a result of a criminal charge or conviction but as a result of him having consensual sex with a foster brother. THIS HAPPENS, I have seen it. Once the agency THINKS you might be a predator; they re-home you accordingly without trial, review, appeal, and often without evidence.

 CPS, DSS, DCFS, DCW, DCS, DCF doesn't matter what you call them, they all SUCK at protecting kids. If you belong to these organizations I am not blaming you per se, I do however blame the rule books that govern the organizations.

 I bitch about the screwy age of consent laws in my home state (Floriduh). Age of consent is 18. But then they add a murky Romeo and Juliet sliding scale that is total tomfuckery. IF you are 16 or 17 you are "KIND OF" legal too based on the exact age separation of your partner. 
 In our sister states Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi they went with a clear age of consent of 16. Why? Because MOST people can make that choice then. Those states added teeth to use on those who prey on the mentally challenged. 

 At seventeen I had already graduated HS, finished more than 1 year of college, and I was very much in love with Zahir. I wasn't sure if it was erotic love but we did know the 11 years that separated us was insurmountable. 

 Before he returned to Jordan Zahir and his boyfriend David split up but Z could not pursue me. Even if I became an emancipated minor (recognized by the courts as an adult) I would still be off limits due to the age of consent sliding scale. A scale that said I could make love to guys 14-23 but could not bed the 28 year old who truly loved me. The man who rebuilt the empty shell of a person DCF hollowed was off limits.

 For the second time in my life someone thru the rule book aside to protect me. For eleven months Mohsen and Zahir hid me from DCF's radar. Mohsen told them during site visits that I was traveling celebrating graduation, exceptional performance in college studies, and whatever lame excuse he could come up with to hide that I was in Amman. Being an on-line student had value. We had a VPN that showed I was logging on to UCF from Miami, and DCF the bureaucracy slept.

 Rule-books rigidly followed have injured and yes killed the innocent. What we need are case flexible guidebooks. Ironically many GOOD DCF caseworkers say the same thing. 

 Some day I MAY write my life story, including the names of the DCF case workers and supervisors who failed me as well as those who genuinely tried.