I Am Back!!!

 I am back in London.  I have had a couple more bouts of dysphonia,  caused by me over extending myself.  

 

 Zahir is traveling, hand holding a nervous client.  It happens.  90% of what we do is straight forward traditional design.  When we get into that fun 10% there is more risk.  Most of that risk is financial, thus nervous clients. 

 

 I am sort of running the London office with Z gone.  I had a video conference call with the home office.  I went for about fifteen minutes about the projects the office was on.  Then when I asked a question I realized no one was paying attention to the content of what I was saying.

 They were so amazed at hearing my new voice that they stopped listening. To hear is passive, listening takes work.

 

 Big boss apologized and asked me to repeat what I said.  The briefing lasted about a half hour.  That is the longest and loudest these people have ever heard my voice.  There were a few cracks and waivers but afterwards he told me he was happy with my improvement and how I am adapting. 

 

 I just wish Z could have witnessed it.  If he could, he would have been giving the brief. Catch twenty-two.
 
 My voice is getting stronger.  Best it has been since it was stolen.  I am so happy!

I AM BACK!!!

Christopher the Victorious!

Isolation and Setbacks

 Had a setback, I pushed too hard in rehab. What happens when a partially mute boy gets muscle tension dysphonia?

 Answer, his doctor commanding he become a completely mute boy. Only for three days of recovery. 

 My external sutures come out Friday. I have been so self-conscious about the scar, Zahir got me some cute scarves, neck-wraps, and mock turtlenecks. He surprised me with a leather collar too. It says baby. The doc recommended no on that for a while, it breeds bacteria.

 Our post surgical isolation will be over next week and a half. The recent scans look very good. The otolaryngologist in-spite of the setback is pleased with the repair. The cosmetic surgeon is happy with the result of her side of the procedure. We are looking forward to returning to London. I will have a few more weeks of rest and recovery. Our primary care doctor will take over my care there.

 It looks like Z may have to return to Florida. A group who we designed a building for have chosen NOT to listen to our advice. BIG mistake. Zahir and the big boss are pissed beyond words.

I Am A Real Cut Up

Sorry for the post surgical post YIKES it was bad! I tried to clean it up a bit...

Had the surgery on the 26th. We got lucky, an opening occurred and Doc pushed up the date. He prefers not to use the surgical suite on Fridays.

  The procedure to repair my voice box went longer than expected. There was more scar tissue than expected around the nerve. I was on the table for six hours. The doctor and cosmetic surgeon said things went well. Now I have to be quiet until the doc says. I am NOT having a full reconstruction. I guess I got used to not having an Adam's apple. Having a bunch of additional stuff added seems silly. Zahir said it was my choice and said okay.

  I was groggy for a couple days afterwards. Z was constantly shushing me and had me using the tablet my fingers weren't cooperating enough to sign, I hate anesthesia. I have to take medications of pain and anti inflammatory. Zahir brought in backup, MEEMAW arrived early this morning. She must have flown all night.

 The cosmetic surgeon used tiny little sutures to close me up that SHOULD look like a normal neck crease when the tissues heals. I told her it still makes me look like Frankenstein's creation. She said what I am seeing is a fresh wound, with the elasticity of my skin you'll have to look hard to see the revised scar. When She and Z spoke together they switched to German. I don't understand much German but I COULD understand some of the potty mouth things she had to say about the DCF approved doctor who closed me up last. 

Doc had me doing TH, SH, M and H sounds today. Smiles all around, fingers crossed that this continues.

Christopher

Meltdown In Miami

 In a weird way I was looking forward to the trip to Miami. Zahir did something odd, he let the firm's pilots fly us. We almost brought the full team together again. All but two from the London office and all seven engineers from the Amman office. The big boss chartered a helicopter so each member of the team could see the damage to the Champlain Towers South site. This was not done in morbid curiosity. Our boss believes we must learn from tragedy to prevent its return. He told me when he took me on as an intern he NEVER wanted to see a structural failure of a building his company designed.

 

 We circled the tower at a distance. It looked as if a giant knife cut the building in two. Then the loss hit me as I looked down at the debris pile. One of the young engineers saw what Z had missed, the tears rolling from my eyes. The big boss held my cheek explaining to the others, "This was his tribe. This must not happen to us, ever."

 

 All of our clients have given us free access to the sites. My adopted city is all about prevention now. I am on the boss's team we are reviewing the original designs (numbers and stress loads). Simply put reviewing EVERYTHING for overlooked built in failure points. 

 

 Zahir is heading on-site examinations team. That team has the bigger job. Column by column, load point by load point eyes on examination. They will look at post-build soil elevation and characteristic changes and other signs of potential distress. Where possible/necessary, they are even going to perform fiber-optic and ultrasound exams of the footings. 

 

 A total of seventeen of our buildings dot the Miami area skyline. They will be the safest on Earth.

 

 

 Christopher

On The Road With MeeMaw

 I had an emergency meeting with building officials in Berlin regarding change sheets for a housing project. The problem, Zahir is on another continent also for an emergency consult for the home office. I love twitchy clients... NOT. The big boss arranged a sign translator who had "a minor background" in personal security. 

 

 About two minutes into a prep-time meeting with him I learned his sign skills could have been generously labeled NOVICE level. I was MORE than a little angry. I was on the video conference with the Big Boss politely stating I do not need a bodyguard as much as I need an interpreter. Aunt Meg peeked in the office and suggested I take her mom. Turns out back in the day MeeMaw was an Army Nurse who served in Germany. She signs AND is fluent in "High" German. Not sure if the boss or I was more surprised with this. He tested her German skills and was impressed.

 Two days later, we said farewell to Meg and PawPaw. Then MeeMaw, Mr. Minder, and I headed off to Berlin. I have to admit, I was a little nervous about this trip it is my first REAL big time "solo" project for the firm. Everyone else is busy on other projects. Having MeeMaw along was oddly comforting. Three days of meetings and everything is back on track. Big Boss was very happy emailing me BEFORE I could send him my report. I guess people in Berlin were impressed.

 

 The business trip also afforded me the opportunity to make a side trip to Leipzig. My doctor has been urging me for fresh MRI and Cat scans of the tissue/nerve damage to my throat. I thought long and hard about ditching my minder and sprinting down to the medical center with MeeMaw. I EVEN BOOKED THE CAR! The thought of another round of pity the boy looks from Mr. Minder was NOT what I needed. I had the keys in my hand, and thought of how disappointed Zahir would be with me. No, the last thing I needed was a repeat of the incident in Kiev. I fessed up to Mr. Minder and handed him the keys. The look of relief on his face was priceless. He was so grateful he let me drive for a stretch on the A9 between Berlin and Leipzig. He handled the city portions. It was so "LIT" no speed limit! I got the BMW 118I over 200 KPH (about 125 MPH). The car was rated to go faster but I didn't feel comfortable too far beyond the two century mark.

 The tests went well and the doctor put me on a diet, medication, and exercise regiment to prepare me for the procedure. He has a partner with his practice who will perform a revision on the scar tissue on my neck. MeeMaw sat in with me and asked questions I NEVER would have thought of. Still I would have preferred if Z was there with me.

 

 Mr. Minder (Abasi) and I put MeeMaw on a jet back to the States. Boss gave her a huge bonus and asked if she would like to freelance from time to time. I am sure he was being polite. That said he has surprised me in the past.

 

 Back in London. One of my presurgical "exercises" is being silent as much as possible. For a guy who can only talk 30-50 minutes TOTAL per day, it is far more difficult than it "sounds." It is going to be a long month, then a long recovery.

Zahir comes home tomorrow, I am expecting passionately mad snuggles to make his boy feel better. 

Christopher

Full Circle

 Longtime readers of my blog will know, Zahir and I met when I was doing the books for my foster family's ranch. It was an agricultural subsidiary of the company we work for. Now like a good Muslim spouse, I am managing the home in addition to my work with him. His mother says I'm doing better than her other daughters-in-law. It's weird since I married her son, our relationship has changed, in many ways she has become more like my mentor. Thankfully we are also friends. Thanks also to her I have become a far better cook. Not much of a joke, I used to burn water. Z is no longer ashamed of me when I cook for our clients and guests.

 One of the older brother's family has moved in with Mama in our old compound. The other wives and kids are now enjoying Mama and my garden. With Zahir and I now gone, the threatening phone calls have stopped both at the compound and at the home office in Amman. I am grateful she is safe and cared for. I would not survive her being lost because of me. I cannot live through that again.

 My readers will also know that Z has no concept of what makes up the middle-class. In his world, middle-class means some people make more than him and others less. His face was so cute when I informed him that the middle class in the U.S. is from roughly $48,000 to $145,000 annually. His reply, "I spent more than fifty on your baby (Kaeleb the dog) this year!" Yes, he did. Then I explained to Zahir the middle-class can vary wildly from state to state in the U.S.

 

Side Note: One person recently asked what happened to the rest of the pack? The outdoor dogs went back to his brother's security firm. Kaeleb's surviving brother went to an American client's daughter. She will be very safe for many years to come.

 The nail in his "I am middle class" argument's coffin was when I showed him how much his G550 costs to fly each year. For those interested in purchasing a private jet, it comes out to almost three million a year. In many ways acquisition is the cheap part. On that topic, he has found a "temporary" home for his G550. He is not happy he thinks it's too far away. I am sure it was no accident but it's the same airport used by the skydiving club we joined. Still, it is less then an hour away by car, or ten minutes by London Heli Shuttle plus the twelve minute ride from the flat to the London heliport.  The Heli Shuttle even has a limo service that picks us up at our flat. Things moved way too fast in London. I am sure I will acclimate soon.

 

 He says when  the London City Airport adds more hangars we will move his bird there. Then there are his friends he calls "hangar whores" and "lounge sluts." I try not to read those terms TOO literally. Those are friends who like a free seat on a private jet to anywhere fun. when you factor in ALL of the costs and fees, on average the flights in the G550 are about $4,000 an hour. When I pointed out how much cheaper commercial flights would be, he replied, "Do you think British Airlines would let me fly their jet?" He said it sweetly but it still felt like, "Shut up kid." The jet is his dream, how can I step on it. It is also nice to be treated like a royal when we travel.

 I try to understand his world, and each time I think I have a handle on it he blows my mind again. Between working and keeping the home "well-ordered," I don't have a lot of free time. Part of keeping the home well-ordered is handling the staff issues. I pay the salaries and make sure the benefits are taken care of. It is so odd having people older than me calling me sir with such respect. All those new duties mean I don't write as much. For me it's a good trade. For my readers not so much. 

 

 We went to an Arabic dance club near our neighborhood. It was right across the street from MI6 (no, James Bond did not appear). I was about to order a vodka martini stirred anticlockwise. Those who actually read Fleming's Bond series of books would get the joke. Before I could attempt my joke order, Z ordered me something sweet and fruity, virgin of course. My honey was very well-received, I was not. As usual I disappeared into the background. I am use to that, Zahir is the sun that lights whatever world he is in.  

 

 Good news, my leash was recently temporarily extended. He let me go out of the building (ALONE) and across the street to the Black Cab Coffee Company to interview a soon to be new member of the staff. Her father requested a public meeting place for our interview. She is our new housekeeper. She comes from a good Jordanian family, and is hoping to be a nurse. Best of all she understands my fingers. It's good for me as well, it will keep me fresh on Levantine Arabic Sign Language. I did tell her ours is a Bedu home, and Zahir prefers to use Arabic with the staff. She relaxed big time when I told her that I was Zahir's spouse, NOT just his boy. It turns out she has a Scottish girlfriend, Z knew this but failed to tell me. I felt like I was walking on eggshells till then, what a relief.

 

 The best part is she does not speak our dialect of Bedu. I can understand it, but I do not have the vocal range to reply. It is a subtle language for a subtle people. A simple change in inflection of one word can completely change the meaning of a sentence. Zahir tries to ask simple yes or no questions when he uses it with me.

 

[Update: We gave her the official word lastnight. Z took her around the flat showing her where all my EpiPens are stored. No scorpions in this country (that I know of) but they do have bees. After Z verified that I explained the terms of her employment, I showed her where I like everything stored. I'm the queen of this castle. Her eyes damn near bugged out when I showed her the housekeepers' quarters. Our staff is always well cared for.]

 

 Things are going well, though we are traveling a lot. Zahir always makes time for me. We have started a new evening tradition with our stroll along the Thames. He's finding walking parks we can stroll around in. It's not my garden in Amman, but they are green. For now he is keeping me in Nine Elms and Vauxhall. LONDON IS HUGE!!!! He says he's afraid of letting me go further until I get my voice repaired. I guess we'll see, after all he's only lied to me the once. For the record, there was a very good justification for that one. 

 

BONUS: Officially THIS is Zahir's LEAST favorite sculpture!

 

It is called "Modern Marriage" and rests [I have been informed the proper term is "it is installed"] just up the road from our flat. 

[I kinda like it.]

 

 Zahir will be putting me back in driving school. He says once I have my voice I will need to be able to navigate in our new domain. I think her majesty may have issues with his choice of words.

Chris [aka Chase]

Still Living, Still Changing, Still Challenging.

 We are settling in the new office in London. I have been vaccinated against the dreaded COVID-19. On arrival Zahir played a "funny" joke on me. We took a cab and headed into a place called King's Cross. We stopped in front of this narrow barge like boat and he announced, "We are home!" 

 When I tell you it was small, I felt HUGE inside it. The bedroom section barely fits a full size bed. I guess I got used to being able to spread out. I was missing the house in Amman. When I forced to smile Z saw right through me. "Baby this is temporary. It is just until the new flat is fitted for you." Then he told me it was just joke and only for two nights.

 

 The next morning we went and toured the new flat in Nine Elms. We can see the U.S. Embassy from the master. It is in walking distance. We have everything in walking distance. This was a mandatory item for Zahir. When I work from home, I stay in the flat. If I need anything during the day, I have to go through the concierge and it is brought to me. I miss being able to escape to my garden in Amman. I know he is all about "Baby's" safety, after all that is why we left Jordan. Still it is lonely.

 

 The threats when he came out were bad enough. Then there was the coup attempt. To say that the Bedu love their king is a monumental understatement. I have no doubt that if the foreign backed coup was "successful" Jordan would have fallen into open civil war. I know Z is not happy having to move, but I know he would move the earth to keep me safe.

 

 Then came the big surprise. When he opened the door, I realized it was an apartment that I re-designed on paper three months ago. Back then it was made to appear that I was dealing with the most vague client in the world. I was given a spec sheet and a basic floor plan. Our boss told me, "He wants you to just make it smashing! Strip it to the studs and rebuild. Let yourself go!" 

 

 There is a private guest suite for his mother when she visits. Z says that will be often. I am still rushing to fully unpack, my Aunt Meg, Meemaw and Pawpaw will be visiting in a few weeks. In July we will be going to  meet with another surgeon, this time in Leipzig, Germany. Yes, Zahir has found me a new therapist who I see once a month or as needed. 

 

 I pass by Buckingham Palace and Hyde park to attend church. Zahir and I have joined a gym, a skydiving club, and a few business organizations. "It is all about the connections Baby." I seam to recall he said something similar when he and the Boss pushed (guided) me into accreditation.

 

 My sweet Kaleeb traveled with us and was in health isolation for a few weeks. I do not know how much paperwork Zahir had to do to bring my baby, but I am grateful. We got to see him daily while he was in lockup. We have chosen a dog walker who has experience with Malinois. Arba'ah's company vetted her thoroughly that alone took three weeks. She is a university student studying chemical engineering. I have offered to help out if she needs it. She picks Kaleeb up from me at the office or the flat. Z doesn't want me out on my own in this city."We are new here. You cannot even call-out for help." I know he is worried for my safety but this is a bit over the top. In time he will mellow.

 
 This is the second country I've lived in outside the United States. It is so different from Amman that I'm having no small measure of culture shock. Still the people are welcoming and nice. The dampness is causing a problem, I am silent more often than not.

 

 That has brought up another issue, I am going to have to learn another sign language. British Sign Language is greatly different from ASL. The sign for mute drawing the tips of your index and middle fingers to your lips. Zahir teases me saying it looks like I am asking for a smoke.

 

 I have tried to use the glove based speech translator. It is not well received, so I will muddle through and adapt. My big goofy guy says we will learn together and he will be my voice. He can read my fingers when I use ASL and Levantine Arabic Sign Language (LASL).

 

 Some would ask why bother to learn BSL? We have on occasion had a deaf client and it was I who became Zahir and the Boss's voice. We are living in Great Britain it would be wrong and rude to force MY language upon them. Finally, experience has proven there will be times when I have to speak for myself.

 

 Our German, Dutch, and British clients are over the moon that we opened the new office, even if Brexit does muck up the works a bit. We will start crossing the Atlantic to consult with our American (North, Central, and South) clients.

The Bullies Won...

 It has been decided we will be leaving Jordan. However opening a design bureau in the U.S. has been ruled out by the company's owner. He is concerned with the short term political and economic uncertainties facing the United States at this time.

 

 If I were if I were a betting man, like the big guys! I would be leaning towards the UK, Spain, or Germany. So other than the fact that we are leaving, everything else is uncertain right now. Zahir is not happy but he's putting a brave face on in front of me. 

Chase

Backlash... New Talent... Turning 21...

 I guess it was inevitable... I am so proud that Zahir doesn't want to hide me and our marital status anymore. That said there has been a price, things have gotten weird here. We have been receiving threatening calls. Mama and I are not allowed to answer them without screening first.

 I apologized to Mama for changing her world. She responded with more love. She says the "friends" who have fallen away, were not real friends in the first place. 

 A couple weeks ago I was sent home with security after a suspicious package arrived at the office. Neither the boss or Zahir will tell me what was in it. A few days later I was allowed to return to the campus after new security was put in place. 

 A few of my buddies have asked if we are leaving Jordan. I know they are concerned with my safety. The brothers met to discuss the topic of leaving Jordan as well. Of course, I was not a "direct" contributor to their discussion.

 Something odd happened, while Mama and I were making snacks. The brothers took a break and Z took me to our suite. For the first time he asked my opinion on something serious. I told him the people who are harassing us are bullies. I have some experience dealing with bullies. I know they have to be opposed or they win and become bolder. In order for change to occur someone has to be brave enough (KNOWING the risk) to stand. I also said it was NOT my place to make the change. 

 Although I call this country my home, I am not a Jordanian or Bedu (hubby disagreed). I told him that however he chose for us, I would stand with him. Long story short, regardless of the cost, we are staying.

 Zahir had to go on a business trip because of the destination, he had to go without me. He gave me permission to go with the boss to Monaco we are re-designing a casino. There is a lot of structural work that has to happen. Calculating load points on the fly is my specialty. We had a real good first meeting with the client.

 That night the boss wanted to hit the casino. He gave me a little stack of chips to mess around with. Found out I SUCK at poker!!! I do not have the "poker face" needed. However, I do REAL well at twenty-one. Z got an alert on my bank account when I deposited my winnings. It seams my math gift works real good at odds calculations. The boss stayed very close to me for the next three trips to the casino. 

 It's nice proving I can contribute to our family's assets.

 The boss will be taking me on another trip next week... Hint it is VERY cold there and there are huge travel restrictions. We will be isolated for two weeks waiting to talk to the client. Then another two weeks of isolation when we get home. This client insists on face to face contact. Zahir will be in the field too, just not with us. 

 The boss is trying to keep Zahir and I on the same travel timelines to minimize our separation. He has become like another father to me. The boss is determined to get me certified and accredited as swiftly as possible. I am not sure but, I think he wants to use Z and I as the company front men for our work in Europe and the States.

And on the topic of twenty-one... I have turned it! The celebration was low-key. Got to chat with the grandparents, Officer Mike and dispatcher John. The party was no booze, just fun, family and food. 

  I got a cute "not for public" gift from Z. 

 The bottom line (no pun intended) I am still here and fabulous!

My Meeting with Death...

 Sorry that it has been so long. I have been too busy. I thought things would get easier after college... I was wrong. I have met many deadly things in Jordan, but NOTHING prepared me for this...

 Between working, moving and learning to manage the bigger house and staff, I have also become Mama's taxi service. She is taking me everywhere. For the most part I still get introduced as her "adopted" son. Other times there is often a wink or a nod when I am introduced as Zahir's boy.

 When I take her to her charity meetings I am "HER" boy. A few weeks back Mama had a charity board meeting. That day Z told me to follow her lead and not be confrontational. He actually said this as we were headed out, "Behave my baby, and do not stress. My mother will never jeopardize her favorite daughter-in-law." If he had any fillings, I swear she would have rattled them with the slap he earned. Mama hits hard.

  When we arrived, all was chill till this older lady came in with her assistant. I was sitting off to the side having a plate of cookies and some tea. Somehow I became the topic of conversation. I was not intending on listening in, but it was a small room, and I did tune in and out.

 The assistant to the angry looking woman had been shooting me some heavy shade. I could see the hate rolling off her. Serious if her eyes were daggers, I would have been dead. One of the other ladies mentioned she knew a girl who was perfect for me. A couple of the other ladies chimed in.

 That was when the bitch goddess rubbed the third finger of her left hand and said, "Shouldn't we ask its 'sugar daddy.'" ('umurat baba - had to search that one.)

 The room was dead silent for what felt like hours but was actually only seconds. That was when the first clap back hit. "Perhaps if you were a better wife, he (Zahir) would still be your husband." Some of the others jumped in too. Mama hung back and watched the other women verbally rip her former daughter-in-law to shreds. It was brutal, I learned a few new words. Girls can get mean!

 Without looking, her boss said, "How shameful it must be for you to be out woman-ed by such a polite hard working boy. He understands your tongue and yet does not lower himself to your level." Then Ms. Bughi (learned that word means wench) stormed out. I will never understand how a beautiful thing, can be so ugly.

 I signed to Mama asking if she was upset and wanted to leave. "Absolutely not. Enjoy your treats." Then the women returned to the business at hand. A few occasionally added a suggestion of a woman or two who would like and "understand" me.

 When the meeting was over Mama and I gave the now rideless older woman a lift home. Turns out she is a big lawyer here. She and Mama sat in the back and chatted. When we got to her building she apologized for the bad behavior of her staff member. I told her it was ok. I also said it would be wrong to blame her for the words of another.

When Mama gave her report to Zahir he laughed. Then he told me I had survived death once again. It seams that one of her middle names is Azrael (عزرائيل‎). That is also the name of "The Angel of Death" in Islam. Who gives crappy names like this to their kids! Someone named their little princess after the Angel of Death... Perhaps they could see the future. 

 I owe a huge thank you to my buddy in Texas. Emri  is republishing one of my favorite stories (his Kasper story.) Today's chapter stung Z a bit. He likes reading them out loud to me. Afterwards we usually snuggle and stuff.

 Today he asked if I thought HE was ashamed of me. I have said before while it is not illegal, it is not safe to be out here, especially if you are the bottom. I told him I understood when I said I do, there would be limits. He kissed my forehead and I thought it was over. He told me to shower and went to the closet picking out clothes for us.

We had dinner at one of the most expensive places in town. We have been there before, a lot actually. This time he treated me like a real date. He fawned on me. He was holding my hand and rubbing my ring finger. It earned a few nods and smiles, from both ex-pats and locals alike. We also drew a few ugly looks too. Still, it was the best date night EVER.

 I guess we are out... Not too loud, but very proud of my guy!

Night y'all

Chase

Good News and "Meh" News

I had my final visit to the cardiologist on Sunday. My heart is strong and sound. There are no signs remaining of the bruising it took two years back. I had an unfortunate incident a couple years ago with the "Deathstalker" scorpion, and a bad reaction to the Anascorp antivenom. For the record Zahir is still insane when it comes to my EPI-Pens. I found at least two in every room in our house, when I was packing for the move into the big house.

This visit was bittersweet. The appointment was originally scheduled for Baba and I. My doctor requested "Z" NEVER to be present during my stress tests. Being in the same room with him does funny things to my heartbeat. Not a joke... it literally skips beats when he talks... hell when he looks at me I have a flutter.

Zahir's oldest brother was supposed to take us. With his father's death being so recent I can understand that he just couldn't. I offered to drive myself. Yes, I do have a license now.

Side note: Zahir likes seeing the "normal" parts of my past. Officer Mike sent us videos from back when I was training with the Department's Explorers Post. Z laughed during the video of me driving the department's armored vehicle during EVOC training. He stopped laughing when "tiny little me" climbed into the drivers seat and put the beast through its paces. Even Arba'ah, Z's security expert slightly older brother was impressed.

After seeing the video, Zahir relented on letting me drive. He got me a cute little BMW SUV. I tried to push for the stick shift. Z said no, "...too much work for my baby." He thought it was too much for a new driver in this country to handle. He is right I guess.

All that said, since the incident with the local police, Zahir is not letting me out of the property without an escort, so the car sits idle much of the time. I've taken Mama to market and stuff like that. I cannot even take myself to church. End note

Zahir also reminded me one of the requirements of the stress test was that I had to have a designated driver. His older brother Arba'ah took me. He's a riot, he shares Z's sense of humor. The two of them are only 11 months apart and they look almost like twins. I do confess there has been an occasional dirty thought. Nothing I would ever act on.

For one thing his wife scares me, in a good way. She is militantly protective of her family... think pit-bull with rabies, if you are stupid enough to cross her. She's one of the wives who both accepts me as I am and as part of her family. I would never violate that trust.

The doctor's visit also gave us some answers. Nothing all that devastating, and nothing we can fix. It falls into the category of, it is what it is. Z says he is happy... me, not so much. On the good side, I may grow another inch or so.

Although Z said my health report was his best birthday gift, I still surprised him with an ornate platinum ring. Until you read the inscription it doesn't look like a wedding ring. The inscription is, "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine.

Goodnight y'all,

Chase

MORE... Changes!!!

 Yup! We are moving(again)!

 This is what I get for marrying a man of nomadic Bedu heritage. KIDDING! We are just going across the garden courtyard this time. With Baba's passing Zahir's brothers asked him to move into the big house to care for Mama.

 Not sure if I described the big house. This place is HUGE. Far bigger than the old compound in Al-Salt. I was not joking when I said I get lost in the place. I'd try breadcrumbs but I know the boys would eat them.

 Our boss had the compound built on family land to keep the peace between his four wives. There are several large common lounges connecting the four suites (think really big apartments) so each wife could manage her section of the house. The youngest wife didn't like her fellow brides so the boss built the "little" house across the courtyard to restore peace. Baba told me "Just because we can, does not imply we should marry more than one woman."

 My "boy cave" when Z is out of country on business is in the guest wing near the pools. Z is deciding on which of the other two will be ours. He said it would not be "proper" for the man of the house to be in the small suite. That leaves the sisters old suite or the front suite. Mama offered us the other front suite, both of us said NO!

 When you combine all of the kitchens on the property we have more kitchen space than most of the big restaurants in Amman. Those women must have truly hated each other for the boss to lay out that kind of money. I see why polygamy while permitted is seldom practiced in Islam. Less than .01% of Muslim marriages are polygamous.

 

 Baba used to say those who had two or more wives were selfish. We had a talk when he thought I was "just confused" about my sexuality. He said, "Think of it little one... look to the math." Math was our common language, and his answer to EVERYTHING. "Currently 35% of Muslims are single and most of those are men, why? Math, boy math! Only about 50% of Muslims are women. If a man marries three wives what are the other two men to do?" I guess there are parts of Zahir's faith I will never understand. I miss Baba, he was my go to guy when I was confused by things I couldn't bring to Z.

 

 Z is giving his baby sister and her hubby our house. That is MINUS our furniture. Zahir is giving Yawm the media room gear. <for those who haven't caught on to Zahir speak yet... Translation: "Baby has a project."> She and I are going through the big house tagging furniture to fill her new nest. This weekend the brothers are coming over to swap the furniture.

 Today Kaeleb started demanding my attention traditional sign for, "I need to potty hooman." As we hit the kitchen he made a hard left towards the guest suite that holds my "boy cave." He led me straight to my room. I found Mama napping in my bed. Shamal the other indoor maligator (Kaeleb's litter mate) alerted when I peeked in the door waking Mama. She said she felt at peace in my room and it was too painful sleeping in her suite without Baba. I told her to use it any time.

 On to the weird front, Mama and my boys are developing a strange friendship. Malinois are uber-high energy animals. Occasionally they will break into what I call zoom mode. They start chasing each other at high speed. It normally continues until I open the door an throw the Kong 15 billion times. This is the case... EXCEPT when Mama enters the room.

 

 I have seen the boys in mid zoom and then Mama walks in. Suddenly the boys become furry throw rugs. They lay on the ground and bury their nose with their front paws. It is the damnedest thing to see. It looks like they are praying to her!

 Shamal has been glued to Mama since Baba died. I think he feels her pain. The irony is Shamal was the anti-social loner of the litter.

 

 I thought life would get easier after graduation. It has NOT been the case. Memaw and Pawpaw are asking me to visit them in Paducah, KY. Is it wrong when you have to spell-check your birthplace? They are worried about da-rona and my access to "proper" healthcare. It's as if they think Amman is some primitive poo-hole! I have received better care here than I did growing up in Miami. They worry about me. I guess that is a good thing.

 

 It's almost 2300 I should be asleep.

 Love and peace

 Chase

We Have Lost Our Polaris

 While everyone was worried about COVID-19, we lost our guide star. Baba the leader of our tribe has gone to his reward. Three years ago he had a heart attack, and I helped him recover. Yesterday, we woke to find he had a massive one in his sleep.

 There will be changes, for now we are focusing on saying good bye to our patriarch. I wanted to avoid learning this part of Bedouin culture for some time.

 We rushed to ensure he was buried before sunset. Zahir told me the body is buried as soon as possible and always within 24 hours. We didn't know exactly when he departed so it was decided by the eldest brother it had to happen before the sun went down.

 - Nadir

I Pulled One Over On The Big Guy!

 My poor baby has been concerned ever since my incident with the police. He has been cuddling me a lot and I would say coddling me a bit too much.

 For a split second at breakfast, I let my happy demeanor drop. He noticed and immediately asked what can I do to "make my baby feel better." Without missing a beat, I pulled up on my acting training. I looked at him and squeaked out, "I want to get my nose pierced."

 The look on his face was priceless. He quickly replied that his baby had a sufficient number of holes for a good boy. I tried to double down on my thespian skills and replied, "What if I don't want to be a good boy anymore?" At which point he busted out laughing. The spell was broken, he knows me too well.

Z says "WE" are planning a trip when it is safe to leave the nest.  I am hoping it involves jumping out of a plane.

Chase

Things Here Are Getting Weird

 Sorry sorry for no updates in a while. Things have gotten a little crazy here. I am starting to think it's not a safe time to be a foreigner living in Jordan. For years now I thought this was my home...

 I was running an errand for Mama. I screwed up and left Kaleeb at the house.  It was just a trip to the store on the corner. I didn't think I needed him. A national police officer approached. He demanded my ID and then took me to the station. He didn't understand sign. He took my tablet away from me, I couldn't communicate that way. Playing charades across cultural barriers is not easy. I was a thoroughly search. In the end he called Baba.

 When Baba came, they said I looked like someone they were looking for in regards to a drug trafficking case. Baba was incensed, with how they treated his son's child. Yes, Z had to adopt me to solve some legal issues. I have never seen Baba so mad.  I was pleading with my fingers to just let it go and take me home. In the end he calmed down, I got dressed and we were allowed to leave. For the first time since I got here I missed Florida.

 When Z got home the rage began again. Mama tried to keep everyone calm. In the end she realized the only one she had a chance of calming was me. She and Z' sister took me aside and told me what the government had been reporting. The Justice Ministry is blaming foreigners for an uptick in crime. The irony is drug crimes committed by non-Jordanians has actually gone down this year.

I am no longer allowed to leave the compound alone.

---

 It seams Z and I may be relocating. I found out when Mama said how Zahir's sister and her husband the nurse could move into the little house. It would be good especially now that she is making babies. Well done Yawm newly married and the first kid on the way.

The boss is talking about opening a permanent office for building design, either in Europe or somewhere in the Americas. I am trying not to read too much into it. Normally one of the juniors are sent to open new offices. Zahir is not a junior anymore, I am hurting his career.

 I have been observing things back home. With the turmoil there, and the turmoil here I'm not sure there is a good place anywhere. For now my life is work, and home. I have had a taste of what it is like to be looked at by the police because of the color of my skin.

 I thought things would get easier when College was over. I guess I was wrong.

Chase

We Are Still Good...

 It is midnight here... A fan asked and the answer is yes the Al Marqab area of Amman is in lock-down. We are southwest of there far outside that zone. Zahir and I are still in isolation for about another week, but are still showing no signs of da-"rona." 

 

 It looks like Jordan has been blessed. We have only 345 cases reported at this time. With only 5 fatalities reported. My friend's church is streaming services so I am able to attend again. I am told of an old Chinese curse that goes, "May you live in interesting times..." That certainly appears to be the case.

 

 Z and I have been on a late night/early morning international video conference. Bed time before he pills me to sleep.

 

 Love to y'all. NITE

Chase

Why No Updates...

 Well Zahir and I had a talk. He asked me to stop writing my dirty stories... I didn't realize how jealous it made him. The last thing I want is to upset my love.

 As a result my stories have stopped. FOR NOW. He knows I do want to finish the works that are started. As time permits I will continue with his blessing. Zahir is first in my life. He is the reason air fills my lungs, and I want him happy. I want to be his perfect princess.

 As I said even locked up here in our little castle, we are still racking up respectable hours towards my accreditation.

Chase 

Not Going Anywhere! (Curfew Has Hit Jordan)

 Well, the decision has been made. Not by me, my husband, my family, my employer, OR the U.S. Government. No, in the end it was the tiny virus that made the choice for us. Our borders are now closed.

 COVID-19 has killed thousands in neighboring nations. A couple weeks ago the embassy urged me to leave. Since then it has been a non-stop drumbeat. At the end of each cycle I repeated the words I spoke during our ceremony, "For better or worse, in sickness or in health..." After which Zahir would give me a nose rub and ask, "You will obey if I tell you to go?" I have replied yes, but I would not be happy. Z understands that is Chase code for please don't.

 Well, now we are confined to the compound. The Minister of State warned us all, "Curfew is a 'new lifestyle' that we must get used to until the coronavirus is controlled. Zahir and I are fortunate, most of our business can be done from the home office. Z got out of Iran just in time. 

 We are also fortunate Z's baby sister married a nurse affiliated with the Civil Defence Department. He makes sure Baba has his heart meds. Our leaders are talking about reopening the pharmacies again soon. Yawm, my brother-in-law-in-law (is that a thing) has been monitoring Baba and my health non-stop when he is home. He knows we are the most at risk in the house.

 All shops across the Kingdom are closed we will find more out on Tuesday. There will be certain times when shops will be open to allow us to "meet our basic needs." Starting today Mama and I have been giving surplus food items from our gardens to the guards to take home to their families to help them get by till Tuesday. We have also come up with a way to get some of our produce over our walls to the neighbors as we can. We are one nation, if each of us will sacrifice a little for the good of all we will be well. My family is Bedu, we are renowned for our hospitality and generosity.

 I hope you are all well, I may have a little fear and concern, but "This is my home, these are my people now, I am staying!!!"

Chase

Every Kaleeb Has It's Day

 Well I hate to say it: Zahir was right. He has been doing a lot of out of country business.  I occasionally will work with him, but I am now in training with most of the design teams. The concept is to give me a wide degree of experience in a short period of time.

 I have something new in my wallet that Zahir does not like. The boss gave me one of the company's "black cards" (a credit card with almost no limit) for when I am entertaining clients. From time to time we entertain the high-spending clients, take them to lunch, and pay for entertainment. Now that I'm actually "soloing" with clients I too have that responsibility.

 Which led to a prophecy of Zahir's being fulfilled. It was a simple meet and greet, "make sure the client gets settled into the hotel before the big meeting the next day." Zahir had not yet returned from his latest trip abroad so the boss thought it would be acceptable for me to go and greet the client at the airport and shuttle him to the hotel. Once there he had other ideas. 

 Light boys are a bit of a novelty in this part of the world. I was fortunate that a "passing" hotel staff member heard me (I am not that loud) and entered the suite. I think the boss had the hotel watch out for me. It is the only thing that makes sense. The staff member was able to correct the "gentleman's" misunderstanding. I was shaking when I got home. I told Baba all. He told me I did nothing wrong.

 The meeting the next day did not occur and I do believe I may have cost our firm a client. Both Baba and Zahir were not thrilled with the breach of my safety. Yes, that is of course an incredible understatement. They both wanted me to stop working. I told them I cannot just be a pampered puppy. I explained I would not be happy just being a house boy. But in the end I would obey my husband. They said they would make things work.

 The boss apologized to Zahir and me for not thinking of my safety. I will not be used to shuttle clients... the phrase "too frail" came up a lot from both of them. Rather than risk losing Zahir (or to a lesser degree me) the boss pulled some of his strings and now Kaleeb is "certified" as my therapy animal. He has a cute little vest that he wears to let everyone know that he is indeed my "therapy dog." He accompanies me everywhere. Everyone I work with knows he is my protection, a stand-in for Zahir. 

 The neighbors are nice to me. Z's brother still has me walking different routes to the local English speaking embassies, "Just in case." The family wants me to know my way to safety. I always have someone with me on these walks. They are there for the same reason as Kaleeb, to ensure nothing happens to me. The people of Jordan have been nothing but kind to me. I think it is an over-reaction.

 We had another person attempt to harm the perimeter dog (Kaleeb's surviving pack-mate). Our neighbors caught him and held him for the police. Okay there may have been some roughing up of the idiot before the police arrived.

 Arba'ah has promised to replace the dog who was killed in November. Kaleeb and his brother will stay with me in the inner garden. The outer zone will be patrolled by the new dogs. Arba'ah and Zahir do not want me to be involved with their training or deployment. I think they are afraid I will make pets of them.

 The neighborhood shopkeepers are getting to know me well. My Arabic is improving and I have polite discourse when my voice permits. Conversation is a special gift of the Jordanian people. There are no short chats.

 This is HOME!