Housekeeping... Answering Questions II

Okay: You folks ask some tough ones.

  1) "What did Zahir mean about a whisper from you being a shout?"

  Damn, I thought I deleted that one fast. 

  The son of a bitch who raped me left me with a permanent medical condition. It is called Recurrent Laryngeal Nerve paralysis (RLN). Surely you didn't think he got life for just raping me? At present there is no additional treatment. I am grateful to just be alive.

• In my case my normal speech is now low volume and very breathy. I am shy by nature, and this doesn't help. If I have a point to make at work I knock on the table and hold up a finger to interject. Yes, the staff knows I was attacked and left injured they don't have all the details.

• If I talk for long periods my voice becomes hoarse and my throat gets sore.

• If I do not rest often, my voice fails and I am mute. It can last minutes or days. (Maybe that explains Desire's Silent Scream better)

• Yes, when this happens I can fall back on ASL American Sign Language... Yes, Zahir learned to read my fingers. I have broken into sign with him when I want him alone to hear me.

  2) "Damn you are so selfish! The man is paying for your education, you should be grateful!"

  Three of you made similar comments, but one of you was this blunt with your assumptions. I almost didn't respond...

• The State of Florida is paying for my tuition NOT Zahir. I am an on-line student of the University of South Florida - USF Tampa (Go Bulls)

• I earned a scholarship that covers my books and proctor fees as needed.

• Zahir does take care of my food and lodging and I am grateful, but that does not mean I should give up everything to him.

   3) A few of you asked if I am in contact with my father's family...

  Yes, leave it at that for now.

 

  4) Why was there a death certificate. 

  When my mother was murdered the police assumed I was washed down the Mississippi. They searched but found no body, naturally. After five years the family needed to move on. They planted my grave marker next to Mom's and had me declared.
 
  Ironically it is easier to legally die than it is to legally come back from the dead. The paperwork is killer. Still how many people can look forward to legally dying TWICE in one lifetime... Is that too dark? If you haven't noticed my sense of humor is a little warped, blame it on my life experiences. It is also only five in the morning as I write this. Haven't had my coffee yet.


  Chase