Breakfast / DD - Bootcamp / End of Work Week...

 The day started with me sitting in Zahir's lap at breakfast trying to kiss the gray hairs off of his head. I know I am the reason some of them are there. I again apologized for the trouble I caused. He gathered and held my hands. He softly kissed my fingers (It is a thing he likes to do). "Already forgiven, say no more of it. You only need to forgive yourself." 

 I love my guy. 

 I also told him I am a little nervous about going out with the guys tonight. Zahir won't come with us but he says I need "boy" fun-time. I think it is the venue. He has too much risk now. I love him and I know he loves me. That said, this is one of those times I feel like a dirty secret. Yes, I did tell him. Sad is allowed, but Zahir has to know when I am sad or upset.

 Trying so hard to stay upbeat. I learned something new that made me smile. Zahir hated me calling him Baba when I tried it once. I discovered he DOES like it when I call him "Daddy" (in English). There is a rule covering it's use, "Only when we are alone."

 We have had a lot of long talks over the last week. I had a bit of a breakthrough. The first time Z went to kiss me on the lips when we were dating he tried to cradle my jaw (see example on left). I had a complete Fukushima like meltdown. It was NOT pretty. The irony is I love when Z kisses, licks and nips at my neck. Hands have always been a non starter.

 You have to understand, thanks to Cal almost succeeding in murdering me by choking me out. My neck is THE most intimate part of my body. When someone gets their hands near my neck I panic. If they touch me there I have on occasion had a panic attack so bad I pass out. 

 Z was reviewing my blog yesterday and something touching happened. He asked how much I trust him... Usually I would have made a joke of the question saying something like "Enough to jump from an airplane..." One of the things I have learned is I cannot hide anymore. Things long hidden and not dealt with can hurt you, I need to face things.

 I took his hands and placed them where they belonged. I confess there was fear, trembling and a tear or two may have formed on my part. But what followed was the single best kiss of my life. He was so very tender. His thumbs caressed where my Adams apple had been and I didn't care. He took my baby step with me and gave me something amazing.

 On a side note: Cal wasn't in my mind during that kiss. I don't know if this is a forever thing, but it was a really good baby step.

 
 It is Thursday!!! Couples therapy session with Dr Braidable NoseHair (AKA Shrinky Dink):

Zahir told him about the kiss/neck breakthrough. Not sure Doc understood the importance.

 Doc said Z and I already had a good start on a Domestic Discipline relationship. He and Z had a long talk during their 1 on 1 session about our living arrangement. I have to admit I thought DD was the same as BDSM. I was wrong.

 We always had a daddy/boy dynamic to us as a couple. It is just who we are. What we didn't do is formalize the rules aspect of our home.

 I know this is going to come as a HUGE surprise, I have a very submissive personality. I am a wickedly shy introvert. Also a big shock my former fighter jock lover/fiance has a VERY dominant one. He is an over the top extrovert.

 At one point the doc pulled my tablet out of my hands to see what I was doing. I think he was going to rebuke me for not paying attention. He chuckled to see I was almost transcribing the discussion word for word WHILE still participating. Not bad for having to use my right hand only.

 Domestic Discipline (It Is NOT Fifty Shades of Grey) it is a relationship where the Head of Household (HoH) is in charge of the Taken in Hand (TiH) partner. Once a week there is a rule review session where items can be added or removed as needed.

 IT IS NOT one sided. If it is one sided, it is abuse (GET OUT AND GET HELP). 

 There are mutually agreed upon rules and consequences for the TiH. There are also mutually agreed upon punishments for breaking those rules. The punishments can range from spanking, corner time, kneeling, writing lines to re-enforce the violated rule and other things. 

 A first offense results in a reminder of the infraction. Punishments commence upon subsequent infractions and MUST include an explanation of the rule and punishment. Then delivery of the punishment. Followed by proper aftercare. Punishment can NEVER come from anger. The HoH must guide the TiH from patience, planning, and perseverance. 

 DD differs from a BDSM relationship as the punishments are non sexual. In our case spanking is out. Pain has a secondary effect on me, I get excited... well parts of me anyway. This crosses the line to sexual thus no longer punishment. Am I a masochist? NO! I do not like pain, but my body's hardware and software have been screwed with. Again the HoH MUST proceed with full knowledge of their TiH.

 It is NOT all about the rules... but they are important. The HoH Rules fall within 5 general DD Categories:(3D S&H for short)

 The categories are:

1. Dishonesty
2. Disobedience
3. Disrespect
4. Safety
5. Health

 Important Note: Begin patiently from goals brought up by the TiH through their TiH List (yes the TiH gets a say) and communication during sit down discussions. 

 Communication is key... Make rules that fit your specific needs. Beginning with some arbitrary list of rules found on a blog somewhere will not promote the unique needs of the TiH of the relationship. Participants must build from goals and aspirations for a TiH and the relationship first.
 
 On the way back to the office we stopped for dinner and kept the discussion going. WE are going to have our first "sit down discussion" after supper tonight.

I love the comic strip Small World

 

 Next weekend we return to Switzerland, the G550 will be ready for pickup. Maybe we can hit the town there. He says we are going to test the bird. Knowing him that could mean anything, up to flying around the world.

 -Christopher




***Update***

 The guys showed up in an SUV. Safee and Chris had a quick chat with Z as I got drinks for everyone. Both guys had dates in tow. I KNOW this is going to sound catty, their dates were a couple twinks from the UN office who made ME look like a ALPHA BEAR, or at least a wolf.

 Z took me back to the bedroom and laid-out a new outfit for me. Books@Cafe was not our destination tonight, sorry Madian (He is kind of the unofficial "QUEEN" of Amman). 

 NOPE, I was taken clubbing. Yes there are clubs in Amman. Safee said we are going "old school" to a floating gay-friendly, rave dance party. I have no doubt Z was monitoring my trackers. I KNOW with absolute certainty security followed us.

 Z insisted on me carrying both my iPhone and Apple Watch so I could "feel" if he calls me. He can also remotely turn on the cams and mics to look in on me.

 It was ok but I mostly table sat. Dancing isn't as much fun alone or with an odd number of guys. About 10 Chris started asking detailed questions about the Iranian home project. I jumped out of my skin when I had a big hand land on my shoulder. Fear turned to joy when I looked up to see Zahir! YUP, I went into my excited chihuahua mode.

We danced til after midnight. Its 2 in the morning and we just got home.

A real good day.