Truths...

I have learned another truism... No matter how far you travel and no matter where you go, there will always be assholes somewhere.

 I now understand why Zahir's older brother insisted on training the dogs not to touch anything without command. It looks like someone tried to poison the babies. The dogs were trained never to eat anything unless given the command. They led one of the security guys to something that was tossed over the fence, a bit of meat with a deadly treat inside. I am so angry.

 The fur babies are getting used to me being around again. All three of the psycho puppies like it when the little boy feeds them. They try to alpha me. It's kind of weird trying to force the dogs to realize they have a subservient position. On the other hand... Yay! I figured out I'm a step above the dogs.

 It also seems I was right about our media room. Z's older brothers have come by several times to watch football matches and other sporting events in the theater. I think we are seeing them more than their wives. I get head rubs for my design.

 Zahir will be going back to Iran in a few weeks. Only a week this time. I have asked if I can stay in our house while he is away... "No, let Mama spoil you." I see nineteen is just a number. So I will be spending a week in the big house with the adoptive parents, swimming around the pools, cooking and shopping. I know I won't be going to the office.

 Ah swimming...  This place is da bomb! The big house has an indoor AND outdoor pool. I got a nasty sunburn when I was seventeen while swimming at thier old place, Zahir lost his mind (or so it seemed to me at the time). He got me what I called the Fantastic Four suits. They are basically a rash suit with extra UV protection. I look like an idiot, but that is the price to use the outdoor pool. I have to admit now that it is getting cold it isn't so bad.

 My language tutor is impressed with how much I have retained. He's also impressed with how fast I'm learning. He did make a suggestion. He recommended that I get some real world experience by working with the refugees from Syria. Both Baba and Zahir immediately shot that down. Z says I can help mama with the shopping.

Still the baby.

Chase

I Am Not Sure I Am American Anymore...

 I'm home, my estimate was off it was 3 hours and 15 minutes flight time. We got a straight in approach and then right into the hanger.
 
 Yes, you read my headline right. With all the divisive crap that's going on back home in the States, I'm not sure I'm American anymore. I don't know maybe it's the fact that I only have 355 days till I'm no longer a teenager, but I'm not seeing things the same.

 As a child (when I could be one) I saw life in black and white. They say travel broadens your mind, I guess that's true because I am looking at things differently. The world is no longer a scary place to me. Yes, there are scary people in it, and some wonderful people too. I'm going to focus on the wonderful people in my life, until I know what I want for me. 

 Cleared customs and the driver took us straight back to the compound. I so love my nest. Zahir doesn't call it that, but I kind of like the way that my friend EM looks at his home as a nest. Zahir calls it our palace. He is the king, and I am his princess. I am content in our little kingdom, within the larger Kingdom. 

 I don't know what my future holds but I can't wait to see it unfold. It is two in the morning and I am still wired. Our house turned out beautiful. Zahir had a couple birthday surprises added. He made a couple changes to my design of the house. First he added a cozy loveseat in the main lounge, so I have a place I can cuddle with a book or study.

 Second, he got with Stacy and redesigned the boy cave. "You made it look too much like me. This is YOUR space when you need to be alone." The furniture in the suite is softer and warmer toned. Lots of cedar and soft fabrics. The sleeping area has a nice queen sized canopy bed. The cedar smells fantastic. 

  I should try and sleep, morning all.

The Road Of Life Has Ups And Downs...

 We stayed longer in Atlanta than we were expecting. It turns out I am a good candidate for the procedure. There are some risks. Not sure it is worth possibly losing my voice entirely. The benefit is I might get up to 80% of my vocal range back.

rare selfie

 Zahir is willing to support my decision. He wishes it was not so unproven. He thinks we should wait for a year or so, and wants me to talk it over with Baba as well. I know this is actually a soft no. He is right, I have lost enough to risk what  remains on a desperate gamble.

 This trip has been something of a roller coaster. My candidate lost his Senate seat. I crossed the ocean to vote! It looks like the majority of voters in my home district did not even drive to the poles! Seriously it's looking like he lost by less than a quarter of a percent. I'm a bit ashamed of Miami-Dade.

 We are headed to Hartsfield International now. Muflih (the boss's pilot) is flying in tonight and we are off to Canada in the morning. He gets 24 hours crew rest before they fly the boss's new jet home. I once called him "muffin" in error, he was NOT amused until he realized how hard I was trying. He flew Zahir's team and I into Iran last year, and home from Ukraine this past summer.

 I cannot wait to get back to Amman. I start classes up again in a few weeks. Zahir picked up some intimate things for me. I hope that customs doesn't look too hard at my silky stuff.

Chase

Saying Good-bye

 The Grandparents are on their way back to Paducah. They took "the red-eye." Got hugs and kisses. I apologized for yesterdays meltdown. Granddad told me it was understandable, given the circumstances. We made plans for a video chat next week. It is nice to have people of my own. 

 Zahir and I had breakfast with his parents. Baba and Z went off to ship our treasures back to Jordan ($300). There was a flaw in their plan, they left Mama and I near a gift-shop unsupervised. I think the two of us got her purchases packed well between the four cases. That woman is a retail force of nature. I have shopped with her a lot. It is rare when she gets something for herself. "This grandchild would love this. That would look cute on..." I saw her admiring a scarf. I could see her desire, then she just put it back.

At the airport Baba told me to be good for the doctor. I looked at Zahir, and Baba saw my confused look. There was a heated exchange in a tribal language (I think) as Mama hugged me. It looks like my next stop is Atlanta. Zahir said there is a doctor there who is researching RLN injuries. There MAY be a treatment, that MIGHT help me get more of my voice back.

 Baba pulled me aside telling me not to be angry with Zahir. "He didn't want your hopes raised too much. He tries to protect your heart from disappointment." Baba added his son didn't think far enough ahead. "I reminded him how justly angry you were when he surprised you with your scar revision consult."

 I gave Mama a bag as she turned to board their flight. When she saw the scarf she had admired in the store her arms flew around me, "My good son."

 Zahir and I made up on the way to our flight. Next stop two (maybe more) days in Atlanta.

Got Lots of Hugs Today

 Part of the reason Zahir had our families assemble at Disney was to erase a bit of ugly history. Instead it repeated. As some you have read, my Mom dumped me after a weekend trip to the Magic Kingdom when I was five. Today a woman handed her newborn baby over to a stranger in front of our resort. I have been breaking into tears non-stop at random all day. This is NOT how I wanted our last day to go.

 Zahir has been watching me like a hawk and in protective daddy mode. Grandma reminded me I don't know the whole story, Mom abandoning me saved my life. Still not what I wanted in my head. The Disney cast has been great about getting me whisked away out of sight when Z saw a breakdown coming. Baba and Mama have been clingy as well.

I told Zahir this was why I wanted to adopt or foster. There are so many children out there just dumped by their parents. Someone HAS to be willing to pick their broken hearts up and show them there IS love out there. I got lucky and survived the system, a lot don't.

 We leave the Magic Kingdom in the morning. I don't think I have the heart to come back. Have to get back to the table.

My Marvelous Nineteenth!

 For some 19 is just another number. For me it means a little more I guess. I wasn't supposed to make it. If you followed my blog any length of time I pretty much have had the deck stacked against me. All that changed when I met him.

 Some people like officer Mike and Natalie would say I was destined to survive. I wasn't so sure. Suppose I should say something profound for the end of 18 years, I have nothing. Zahir has been pampering me this entire trip, not letting me even unpack my own luggage. When we travel I normally put everything away. I guess he's trying to baby me to celebrate the end of 18 years.

 I experience something new today. For the first time in my life someone was flirting with me, and I actually caught it. Z went into full defensive mode. Little weasel back down when he saw the mountain of muscle who is with me. But it was kind of nice. Of course being here in South Beach my guy has been getting hit on right and left. He was oblivious to most of it. One guy went on full press, and Z just shot a panicked look at me. I came over and cuddled his waist. First time ever he was publicly affectionate with me. Twinkie boy disappeared back into the pack.

 For his Birthday we went DC as Batman and Nightwing. Zahir has been brutal not letting me in on any part of tonight's plans. I know officer Mike and Natalie are gonna be there.

 He presented me my costume "Spider-man." He is going as... let's just say someone is wearing XXXL body armor that is candy apple red and gold. Initially I thought he'd go for a costume of latex green paint, but I guess that would take hours.

 I was thinking of a small costume party back at the foster parent's farm in their barn. Turns out he booked the ballroom downstairs. My giant does nothing small. Well except me. ;)

He told me everyone is supposed to keep their costumes and masks in place until dinner. I have to go around trying to guess who everyone is. He has given me 30 minutes.

More to come. Tah!