Well THIS Sucks... & Not In The Good Way!

How many people have GOOD sessions with their shrink?

  Well I did, except for the fact I was sporting wood going in... thanks Emri. 

  I had fun telling him about my merman/boy/twink sex dreams. I love making that man blush. He said with the stress of my separation from Zahir those were understandable fantasies.

  I told him about my mini-pity party over my fight with my paternal "family." I also told him how losing my voice triggered a bit of remorse over the loss of my ability to sing. He told me that feeling was understandable and normal.

  Zahir wanted me to tell him how I felt when I got the news of my rapist being raped in prison. Doc's reply was predictable, "Do YOU think he deserved it?"

Is this something they teach in therapy 101? I told him no one deserve to have the right to say NO taken away. I asked if that made me weird that I am not happy it happened. "No, it makes you well adjusted." 

 He went on to say the rule an eye for an eye is primitive law likely predating Hammurabi. Philosophers have been debating the point where justice ends and vengeance begins forever and my confusion was understandable.

Good News... Bad News...

 My best friend here is Zahir's ex David (Dah-veed). More often than not he is the guy I call when I don't understand something Zahir does. He was the one who explained why Z wouldn't let me play with his bottom. He told me Muslim men who have "boys" don't think of themselves as gay, they just love differently.

 When I got out of my session, we went shopping. I got a text from Zahir telling me to have fun at dinner and "it" was ok. I asked David what Z meant. He just replied, "You'll see." This was the first time in almost two years I didn't see him in his pink and black Palestinian made keffiyeh.

 We went into a tiny shop and he bought me my first red and white Jordanian shemagh. Then he taught me how to wear it around my neck. With my red hair, it looks good, even though it makes me look like a tourist. He told me in Bedouin culture when a boy begins wearing a shemagh he is treated as a man. Then we went to dinner. I should have known something was up.

If you ask a taxi to take you here they will likely warn you it is a gay bar...

 We normally order the Bacon (beef bacon) Cheeseburgers. I got the usual but David ordered a regular hamburger. It was the first time he ordered according to his faith. Jewish people are like Muslims on bacon, but under Jewish dietary law cheese on a hamburger is also a no-no. 

 During dinner I discovered why Baba and Z let David take me around this morning. While we were in Kiev there was a terror attack West of Amman. David's parents went nuts trying to find him. Long story short they reconciled, and he is going home to Haifa. 

 David thanked me for MY friendship. How weird is that. Then he told me I was the strongest man he knew. When we got back to the house he hugged me then reached back into the car for a wrapped box. He told me to think of it as an early birthday gift and to open it later.

 It took Baba holding me almost fifteen minutes to get my tears to stop. Baba told me to open David's gift... 

 Inside was David's keffiyeh. I told Baba the he had to know I couldn't wear it. He told me it was David's way of telling me he no longer NEEDED it. His time of rebellion with his family was over. 

 I am overjoyed that my friend is getting his family back. Growing up without real family I know how much that means. That said he was my first friend here who wasn't related to Zahir by blood. Part of me is dying inside. 

 God I am a monster.

 -Nadir