Okay Not Everything Is Bad...

  I received a few emails from people worrying if I was okay... I am okay 😀 I'm just a little blue. Not all is bad and yes, I have been focusing on some of the negative a little too much. There are times in our lives when we all get a little depressed.  My shrink actually had to tell Zahir I'm dealing with it very well.

  Zahir is taking it upon himself to open my world,  to show me what is possible. Friday he made good on his promise from our trip to Greece and we started my jump school.  Apparently he was very enamored with how my face lit up as we jumped from the aircraft in Greece tethered to his buddy. I still wish I could have been tied to Zahir instead. The way it worked out, he got to see my face light up. 

  We had a family meeting with his father and I have decided to drop my primary major. I'll be going for a straight-up Bachelor of Science in Architectural Building Engineering (with a chemical engineering minor). Zahir and I discussed the change with my faculty advisor. I didn't realize how close I was. I was so focused on the work, I lost sight of the larger picture. I was losing myself in the software development side of bioinformatics. I was trying to do something I really didn't enjoy. There is something real cool about being part of changing a skyline.

  Thanks to Zahir's gentle hand, I've discovered I like working with a team. I have lived in my own tiny world of self paced school since the 7th grade. Yes, I had mandatory social events. You'd be amazed how many you can miss if you are succeeding, in-spite of occasional trauma. 

  My DCF caseworker from Miami had the balls to ask if I was willing to do a "faces of" testimonial as a success story. I told him only if they used the WHOLE story including how they took me from a place of safety and almost cost me my life.  I haven't received a reply. Zahir told me my reply lacked grace... When I told him I wanted to tell the caseworker to go f**k himself, Z praised my restraint.

  Zahir shared with Baba and Mama how my paternal grandparents wanted to get to know me. Baba understood my concern but told me I shouldn't hold someone accountable for the actions of another. He reminded me part of them lived in me too. I am frightened by part of that argument, it implies that part of a killer is in me as well. Are my innate qualities a product of divine plan, nature, or nurture?

  All cautioned me to take it slow and not to trust too quickly. As Baba said, "Real relationships take time." For now we will simply stick with email. The house keeper is letting me know it is snack time. A good place to wrap this. I am in a good place mentally.


  Chase