TUESDAY...
Zahir wasn't happy that David took me to Books@Cafe for dinner. "That place is not for you." So much for being bold.
The emergency meeting Tuesday served another purpose. Zahir was placed over the entire engineering department.
WEDNESDAY...
We spent yesterday morning moving into his new office. I asked if I was staying in the old office as his replacements intern. Zahir laughed and said I was and always will be his.
I was setting up my workstation when his boss came in. My eyes dropped to the floor then to Zahir. The two men spoke briefly. Then he asked what I thought of the new office. I told him it would be hard to work with such a view. "I expect you both to work hard..." then he rested his finger on my nose. He continued, "...but do take time to enjoy the view, Zahir has earned it."
He invited us to his "house" for dinner. I say house, oh my goodness this place is so big. His property is five acres. It has two residences on it. There are no personal effects in it however. It is fully furnished but no family pictures, no tchotchkes that you would expect for a home.
As we began to dine he explained the house was on the market. Zahir's eyes lit up with that announcement. Our boss moved his family into The Heights Apartments last year. Long story short, we have a new home... The boss is an old friend of the family. Baba and Mama are thrilled. Zahir is happy he has security for his boy, and can help care for his parents.
The property has both an indoor and an outdoor pool. Z doesn't have to worry about his boy burning.
THURSDAY...
It's just a little after 5:30 in the morning and I'm afraid. Zahir is still down for morning prayer as I'm getting ready for my trip to the hospital. Zahir says I'm being foolish, and overthinking things. He says that but as I passed his prayer room, I heard him lifting my name in prayer. I know he's praying for my safety.
I don't know what is the problem. I've been in and out of hospitals most of my life, for one thing or another. Maybe it's that we are covering over the past. Maybe I am overthinking things, and a scar is just a scar.
Why is it there are times that God just puts the fire hose to you thinking you can handle it... Zahir is being so cute, he's fasting with me. Poor dear I hear his stomach rumbling.
Chase
I hurt, but am released and going home... Have photos of a bit of me in a jar... debating on share.
ReplyDeleteZahir offered to culture it into a stone and make it jewelry. I said NO. It is where evil once touched me, better incinerated and just gone. Candice you LOST!!!
Boss told Z to keep me home next week. Sounds good I could sleep for a week.
You are the most upbeat person.
DeleteTouched my heart,
a fellow survivor.
P.S. It is a-o-k to be bummed on occasion
DeleteFriday:
ReplyDeleteZahir and his family have been helping us pack for the move. I have been resting in my room, with family checking on me every couple hours with food or meds (real good take home meds).
A cyber friend sorta recommended a couple films for day one of convalescence: Alex Strangelove and Love, Simon. For the record pack hankies for these flicks. I think Zahir's mom is part ninja. I was so wrapped up in Simon I didn't see the door open, she saw me crying and got Zahir.
Z came to see why I was crying. I pointed to the MacBook he saw the film playing. He popped in his earbuds and restarted Simon. I started crying in the same spots. I think he was studying me more than the movie. He just held me as I cried, and laughed.
When the movie was over and I finally got calm again. He asked was it like this for you? I shook my head.
I think I was in the 5th grade (and my 6th home) when I knew I was different. I was madly in love with a Greek boy named Tyler. I impulsively kissed him, I forget what even sparked that desire. His mom freaked and told Candice my foster mom. On the way home she tried to burn the "demon of homosexuality" from my chest. My gay self hid in the closet for a very long time, not even the love of Moe and Stacy could draw him out.
I did come out again and hell or high water there was no going back. At 14 my heart fell mad in love with an older Cuban boy named Marc. He didn't know I existed. I would love to watch him play baseball in the park. I confided a few of my fantasies with my best friend and foster brother. He in turn shared the news with our foster dad and I spent the weekend in hell.
Zahir's eyes misted, he does not cry. He said how he wished those things did not happen. I told him if they didn't we would never have met. He kissed the top of my head and went back to packing.
It seemed every-time I crept out of the closet something horrible would happen. Some have said I have repeated the cycle... I am after all back in the closet. I disagree, this time I am not alone.
Love y'all
Glad you are feeling better. I haven't seen Love Simon yet, but that Alex one was so good! I have to have an emotional breakdown to get him to watch a gay movie or teen movie. If it's not action or superheroes or some twisted horror or foreign film, he is not interested.
DeleteHope you're pain is healing.