I Confessed!!!

 I told Zahir I overheard his conversation with the housekeeper. I begged his forgiveness. He faked an angry look for a tenth of a second, then hugged me. He told me it was his fault for having the discussion in earshot of me. He would not tell me our full itinerary but I am coming home to vote early in Miami. He knew it was important to me to keep Senator Nelson in D.C. My absentee ballot didn't arrive in time. We will be leaving in a few hours.

 Baba and Mama had a family birthday party for me when we got home from work. I knew something was up, Z kept me at work all day. Baba will be watching over the renovation of our nest... God help those tradesmen.

 Zahir told me my Miami "TRIBE" had something planned. My foster parents Moe and Stacy say they have a "wicked awesome" birthday party planned for me. Zahir is TRYING to get me to settle down an take a nap, can you say not a chance!

My Heart Is Breaking!

 My heart has broken as the death toll rises. Worse yet most were children. Jordan and it's people ARE my heart. 

  

 Ours is a desert country, when the rains come so do the flash floods.

While it is  while it is true every day ends in the letter Y, I find days like Thursday end with the word WHY?!? It it's in my nature to TRY to find something positive in every situation. All I  can come up with is that rescuers/searchers are coming from all over, Jordan, Syria, Palestine and even Israel.  Muslims, Christians, Jews and agnostics trying together to try to find the lost.That is the best I can come up with.

Redesign Of The Nest...

As stressful as it has been, the designs are coming along.

The happiest person in the whole thing, has been the house keeper. Zahir is giving her one of the small suites. She will have a private entrance. Normally a housekeeper and security guard are lucky enough to get a  small room here. Zahir treats her as a member of our family.

 I have decided on a furniture designer, Estro Milano for the sofas and wall units. Our company has used them before for a couple of projects. I remembered Zahir admiring the lines of the furniture. We decided to combine the two small bedrooms into one giant media room.  I'm not sure whether I should share or not but he likes online games. I don't know who he's talking to on the other side of the headset but they get into it.  Estro has this line called the "Moma" that I love. We're bringing in craftsmen to do stadium levels.  I can see football games with all his brothers and buddies hanging out.

The boy cave is getting a facelift as well. The housekeeper knows we share a bedroom. I think it is silly, but Z still thinks it's important that I have a place of my own. All three bedrooms will have these really cool floating platform beds. They are made of walnut and leather. The central base is so far in that it looks like the things are floating in the air. The night stands have built-in charge plates for our phones and tablets.

The boy cave will have softer furniture. A little more plush, a little more conventional but still has a contemporary flair.  Mama laughed at what I picked out for Zahir saying she should have kept her furniture from the 60s. The bones are what is considered mid-century modern, but it has things like backrests that fold up full height.

Some of the designs are already triggering plans for how I can defile them, and relieve Zahir's stress at the end of the day. 💕

We will be moving into the big house while painting and construction is underway.   Mama being Mama, both of us will have our own room. No playtime... not under their roof.

I Am Still Alive!!!

 Sorry that I have been silent for so long. Nothing bad has happened to me. I'm just busy. I have been having one of those manic writing moments. I've got four stories going, and if you've read my stuff you understand I don't do short chapters. I have to birth the whole story at once.

 Zahir has me doing something new. He has me completely redesigning the nest. He wants the rest of the house to look like the lounge does now. Apparently I did "too" good a job designing the replacement couch and chair. They are comfy.

 We will be saying goodbye to the soft and comfy overstuffed furniture that came with the house. He wants strong masculine lines in every room. I'm a math geek, this is art stuff.  I'm lucky if I can get shirts and pants to match two days out of three. Mama is helping me with colors.

 It won't be ready for my birthday at the end of the month. Zahir keeps teasing that there is something big planned. I hate it when he keeps secrets, he is far better at it than me. I know it's going to be something I'll enjoy, but it's hard to prepare for what you don't see coming. At least I know it won't be a surprise party because I don't know anyone here, and it's not like Halloween parties are big here.

 Still my guy does NOTHING small... well except me. ;)

 Still only doing three half days at work a week. Boss had Zahir, have me, evaluate the benefits and cost analysis of shockcrete homes. Dome homes that are virtually impervious to earthquake and fire damage. It's been pitched a few times unfortunately the design is too avant-garde to take off in this part of the world. 

 People here like to do concrete brick straight up and down construction. The concept people go by is that you build the first floor home. Then you build the bachelor son's apartment above, as they grow old enough. You can't build a son's apartment over a dome, and property costs are prohibitive for the average family to own a sprawling compound. Add to that the problems with curved walls, people enjoy hanging things.

 Well, I suppose I should wrap this up. It's too early and I have to go to work today.

Good News!

   His lawyers, the prosecutor and the judge all met. The judge ruled while the defense has the right to interview/deposition me. They do not have the right to apply an unnecessary burden of travel cost.

  Translation I get to do a video deposition probably from the embassy.  That was the best homecoming gift ever!

  Yes, our time out in Wadi Rum is over. We are back in Amman back in the family compound. The boys are airing and cleaning up the tent before they pack it away for another year.

  It was a beautiful wedding. The groom loved his new truck.  The wedding made me a little sad. A reminder that Zahir and I will never be able to recite the three fold qabul to one another. At least not here. The threefold question of loyalty and devotion is reserved only for heterosexual Islamic couples.  Zahir kind of made a joke of it, "Would my little princess pledge her love and devotion to me?"   Then he realized I was serious. I got an apology in the form of wicked snuggles.

Always the bridesmaid never the bride...

Was Contacted By A Hero Of Mine.

  Zahir got a little jealous. I received an email from another man. Not only that, one of my heroes. 

   He is a 911 dispatcher who worked with/for my first foster mom on the disaster response teams. He gave me the same warning that she did. That I need to withhold a little more information about my background.

  Like I said he's a dispatcher, the one who got me introduced to MaleSurvivor.Org. He is a fellow survivor, and has helped with my nightmares. He was the one who gave me the bad news that in all likelihood the dreams will not go away, but they will fade and become manageable.

  I told Zahir that he has nothing to fear.

1.   "J" is old as Baba (sorry "J").
2.   He is very married!!!
3.   He is not my type,

  He had a photo of Natalie and I at the State Fair in Tampa. Nat was in town for a seminar and "J" invited us to the Fair. He introduced me to "fried butter" YUM! Then fried Snickers, fried pickles, corn dogs... Lets just say if it could be shoved on a skewer, battered and fried they had it at the fair.

  It was my first week in care and those dispatchers loved on (and spoiled) me.