The Coffee maker broke (and my perfect world wept.)

 When I got up, I noticed the coffee maker was broken. To most this wouldn't be a huge end of the world experience. Z does not function for an hour without coffee in the morning. When he does get moving, he is cranky if deprived of his morning caffeine fix. So I dressed and went to the lobby. We have a coffee shop there. He occasionally will get the morning beverage on the way to work, and chat with the other tenants.

 Occasionally boys from the University stop by as well. Today was such a day. I learned a new word. One of the four boys kept referring to me as "zamel" in a hushed tone. The translation utility on my tablet couldn't handle the word. I just nodded and smiled.

 I didn't know what he meant until I heard one of his friends refer to me as khaneeth, I stopped smiling. That word I knew, and it was unkind. I stayed close to the counter for my order to be finished. When the shop owner heard the boys describe me as a miboun (it's like calling a gay man, a prostitute) he kicked them out. He tried to apologize, I just gave him some bills so I could get upstairs. God I'm such a fucking coward.

 Z was happy to get his coffee but annoyed when I wouldn't tell him why I was crying. At eighteen I am NOT a criminal mastermind, Z can read me like a book. It didn't take rocket science for him to figure out where the incident occurred. He disappeared for a while. I thought he was just in his office. Apparently he went down to talk to the shop owner.

 When he came back in the apartment he held me for a very long time. Then told me I overpaid for the coffee, returning the excess to me. The shop owner told him the boys were angry about the US embassy moving to Jerusalem. Apparently I was an easy target for their anger. I wonder if it would have made a difference to them if they knew I approve of the idea to make East Jerusalem the capital of Palestine?

  Then Z taught me how to make "proper" coffee in his old brass dallah. My guy can make the sun shine during a hurricane. So much for my first wild morning alone in public. I still have a lot to learn about Jordan. For the first time since I've been here, I missed Miami. I would not leave Z for anything though, he is worth the tiny traumas.

Nadir

 (FYI a zamel is a bottom gay. Use the word f*gg*t instead of gay). Labels suck, I know it is naive of me to wish for a day when people just see love. I hope for the future, at my age what else can you do. What can I say I am a hopeful idiot.