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| Chase is a sad boi... |
I felt so bad as we cleaned and dabbed antiseptic on his wounds. After I kissed his bandage, we had a very long talk about what I was dreaming. I confessed I was nervous about our coming trip to Ukraine. I thought I had been looking forward to seeing Kiev. I had a dream that he left me alone and didn't come back.
He told me I have to get a handle on my abandonment issues and needed to see a therapist. I offered to wear mittens to bed from now on, he didn't laugh.
Just because everyone I've ever known has walked away from me, does not mean I have abandonment issues. To me it seems like a pretty damn logical, legitimate and real fear. I know "Z" loves me, and just wants me happy. I tried to fool him plastering on a smile for a week. Today he told me my first session was after dinner. I guess I still have to work on some of those old walls, and apparently my acting skills.
He told me I have to get a handle on my abandonment issues and needed to see a therapist. I offered to wear mittens to bed from now on, he didn't laugh.
Just because everyone I've ever known has walked away from me, does not mean I have abandonment issues. To me it seems like a pretty damn logical, legitimate and real fear. I know "Z" loves me, and just wants me happy. I tried to fool him plastering on a smile for a week. Today he told me my first session was after dinner. I guess I still have to work on some of those old walls, and apparently my acting skills.
He found me the oldest, ugliest doctor in the world of psychotherapy. I know that is shallow of me, but seriously I could have braided his nose hair. We had the usual opening talk where he agreed with everything I said. At least he isn't trying to push mood stabilizers. Pharmacology has never helped me in the past. Sometimes a dream is just a dream. I told the doc I had been thinking about my mom and where I come from a lot lately. He asked, "Where DO you come from?"
"That's the problem, I don't know Sir." He said there was a tremendous amount of pain in my reply. Note to self from now on, lie to the shrink. So here I sit at four thirty in the morning editing a post from two hours ago. I should get breakfast started, "Z" will be up for Salah soon.
Nadir
Postscript: I am working on a new story "Frozen and Chosen" A story about a teen-aged boy, missing/absent parents, drugs, sex, show-tunes, and a bit of New Orleans. It starts in this weird part of Illinois one of my foster families came from. I thought Miami was colorful, until I heard about life on the Illinois/Wisconsin line.
Postscript: I am working on a new story "Frozen and Chosen" A story about a teen-aged boy, missing/absent parents, drugs, sex, show-tunes, and a bit of New Orleans. It starts in this weird part of Illinois one of my foster families came from. I thought Miami was colorful, until I heard about life on the Illinois/Wisconsin line.
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